Home > Gaijin Chronicles > Sleepless in Osaka

Sleepless in Osaka

Being a new father has taught me a lot about myself, and the world. And most importantly, babies. Most of us already know that babies are new, precious, fragile lifeforms. They have to be clothed and fed and bathed and all that. They also taste delicious with a nice guacamole-based salsa.

But perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about babies is that they’re fundamentally stupid.

Okay, maybe that’s not the best way to put it. Forgive me for my sins. But it’s true! Why did I come to this staggering conclusion? I’d say more than why, the when is more important. The other day, around 3AM, as I’m trying to put my daughter to sleep.

Usually, putting baby to bed is not my job. I have to catch the train at 7AM to go to work Mon through Fri, so I get the free pass. And if she cries during the night, I have no idea. I’ve always been a heavy sleeper. I slept through the ’94 LA earthquake. I’ve slept through dorm fire alarms. If you’ve ever lived in the dorms, you know that these are loud enough to wake up dinosaurs. If the zombie apocalypse happened overnight, I’m pretty sure I would sleep through it. Even if I had an army of zombies gently chewing on my legs.

But this particular day was a Friday, so I couldn’t use the work excuse to retreat to bed early. Also, I was trying to be more helpful in a vain attempt to get laid more and end the dry spell be a good husband and father. I noticed my wife 3/4ths asleep as she tried to rock the baby to sleep. “Here, I’ll take over” I valiantly offer, and my wife hands me the football, says thanks, and passes out in bed. Like, I think she fell asleep during the half-second she was in the air before she hit the sheets. So, I was going to be on my own here. But really, how hard could it be right?

Heh. That’s all the parents with experience who are reading this, laughing at me now. You have no idea, amateur.

She already looked sleepy. She was yawning and her eyes were half-closed. My wife had suggested to rock her to sleep, but I was feeling tired so I decided to sit down. Apparently, this was completely unacceptable, as baby opened her eyes and stared at me for 4 seconds before starting to cry. …What? Daddy is not allowed to sit down? Okay, sure. Stand and rock. Let’s roll, baby. My wife brings up my history of ballroom dancing – surely that would be a good way to put baby to sleep right? So I do a mini-waltz in the confined space of our apartment, and sure enough baby gets sleepy again. She actually goes to sleep! Nice! Now just put her down and enjoy a nice relaxing evening with my wife…

Oh, but wait! Just kinda glossed over that “put her down” part there didn’t I? You see, babies sleep fairly lightly. You know how, in the Princess and the Pea, the princess can’t get a good night of sleep because there’s a pea stuffed under like 10 mattresses or something like that? If the princess had been a baby, I’m convinced she would have felt the pea on the other side of the continent. Or maybe just a particularly biting solar wind that just happened to pass through our galaxy. Or hey, maybe God sneezed. Either way, baby’s waking up.

So I try to put her in her crib. But because my hands aren’t made of feathers, and I’m not resting her on a bed made of Scarlett Johansson’s soft fluffy tits, she wakes up. Her eyes open slowly as she looks around, and while she can’t talk yet the facial expressions are easy enough to understand. “Hold on, what’s this…is this…is this the crib? No! No motherfucker, no! Oh, if you thought I could cry before…wait’ll you get a load of me now!”

Basically, baby is crying because she is sleepy. She was asleep, but because she woke up due to a random shift in the Earth’s gravitational pull, she is now crying herself awake. Brilliant. Once a parent fails the put-down stage, he has to go all the way back to “coerce baby to sleep” stage. Like getting to the final castle in World 8, dying, and then having Bowser drop you off right back at World 1-1. This is why I call babies stupid – sleeping is the most basic of human functions, right? We sleep even when we don’t want to! And babies can’t even get that right!

It definitely gives me an appreciation for just how dependent babies are on adults for their everyday needs. It’s amazing that these small, helpless little creatures eventually grow up to become fully-functioning human beings. …For the most part.

After two more passes at trying to get baby to sleep in the bed, my wife takes pity on me (she was able to sleep for 2 hours while I struggled with the Baby Sleep final level), puts her to sleep and manages to get her in the crib as well. I think she did this within 30 minutes, but by this point it was 3:30AM and neither of us knew our own names at this point.

All I know is, if I ever get assigned to sleep duty again, I’m gonna turn on Japanese TV and sit baby in front of the tube. If that doesn’t put her to sleep then I don’t know what will.

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Categories: Gaijin Chronicles
  1. Cecil Shadow
    January 25, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Dont you love your babys reflex to not be left in the jungle alone to fend for herself? :D Where is evolution when you need it?

  2. Justin
    January 25, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    *First*

    Glad you’re back. It’s been a while.

  3. hostilecrayon
    January 25, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Heh, don’t feel too bad – you’re not alone. My bundle of joy is not quite three weeks yet and I had a c-section which makes everything twenty times harder for me. He’s totally worth it though, even if I have no idea what I’m doing. Waking up every two to three hours to breastfeed is crazy – and then I get to play the baby sleep game over and over… and over… Heh, I’ve just accepted that for the next couple of years, I’ll closely resemble a raccoon. …And then I want to have another one…

  4. January 25, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    My guess is that, after all the deprivation, you actually want to talk more about Scarlett Johansson’s soft fluffy tits. Or maybe you’re too tired for that. Been there done that – I feel ya man.

  5. January 25, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Regardless of how many different stories I hear about “Man vs Baby” it seems to always be the same. You think someone would make a guide book, or at least a wikipedia article, about how to coax a baby to sleep.

    Good luck to you sir, you’ve got a long road ahead of you.

  6. Mawande
    January 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Well, many people swear by the “Put baby in seat on dryer” method. Not too useful in this country, though. Do you sing well?

  7. Shayan
    January 25, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Haha, I remember those nights. I had to pace up & down the passage at home gently rocking away, prolly about 30 mins worth before he’d finally go off. Of course, I have the grace, dexterity & soft touch of an Uruk-hai, so he didn’t appreciate the unceremonious dumping back into the crib…..so start again.

    • Tempest
      January 26, 2011 at 9:48 am

      Grace of an Uruk-Hai? Dang man lol. But yes, while I have no kids (Way to young, I’d be a teenage mom XD) I have baby sat the little monsters before with a friend. I kid you not when we put her little sister to sleep after about an hours worth of time she exhaled a little too loudly and suddenly she was looking up at us with the devil in her eyes. She started to shriek like killed Santa by beating him to death with Barney in front of her. We weren’t able to get her to sleep again. That was a miserable day so kudos to you parents.

  8. Adrian
    January 25, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    i’m not there yet,.. hope when i do, i get my mom to help,..
    what i think is amazing, are baby’s ‘grab” reflex… you put a finger in their palm and they’ll grab,.. even if you put your finger on their soles, they’ll try to grab with their toes…

  9. Marc
    January 25, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Hoo boy have I been there done that! You’ll find that after a certain amount of time it can help to just put them down and leave the room. I know if sounds cruel but if you pick her up every time she cries she’ll end up crying to get her own way. I’m not one of those “leave the young’un to fend for itself!” fathers, but still…

  10. ababab
    January 25, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    so hey, when are you writing something original/good instead of this baby crap again?

    • Andy
      January 27, 2011 at 11:23 pm

      I guess he never will. Live goes on and Az is now a dad and gets into this more and more. You think of your kid almost all the time. Been there, done that. Some things you did before, now seem just unimportant.
      Look for another blog ;-) if you want to read about stuff without babies.

  11. January 26, 2011 at 1:10 am

    *note to self* Find someone to rock the baby to sleep when daddy skills are not enough xD
    *second note to self* don’t become a daddy any time soon

    Glad to see your having fun being a dad ^_^

  12. LShameless
    January 26, 2011 at 1:34 am

    One trick that worked for me with my God daughter was playing NWA’s “Express Yourself.” Don’t know why/how, but it worked. At 3yrs old, almost 4, she still likes that song.

  13. Fred
    January 26, 2011 at 2:41 am

    Az –

    Suggestion 1: Call your parents and apologize for all the grief you cave them as a baby.

    Suggestion 2: Get earplugs so you can hold your crying baby and not lose your hearing

    Suggestion 3: If your wife is breastfeeding, have her drink a 1/2 glass of wine before the night-time feeding.

  14. Cliff
    January 26, 2011 at 3:12 am

    lol I feel your pain. going through it myself.

  15. MJ
    January 26, 2011 at 4:47 am

    Oh man do I relate to this. And it’s worse than being back in World 1-1, because now your baby is more tired and angry than she was before she fell asleep the first time.

    I’d recommend getting a rocking chair, if you can. That way you can rock the baby and sit at the same time. The main hazard is that you’ll have a tendency to rock YOURSELF to sleep before the baby goes out. Protip: Don’t drop the baby.

  16. Don Vito
    January 26, 2011 at 6:52 am

    NyQuil… Just sayin’.

  17. Chris
    January 26, 2011 at 8:22 am

    “How Hard Can It Be” — my god, man, have you *never* heard of Jeremy Clarkson and/or _Top Gear_?

  18. Patrick
    January 26, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Well, I’d suggest old episodes of “Money Line”, since Japanese TV has exposed breasts, and you don’t want a hungry baby that late at night.

  19. Bara
    January 26, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Urgh, I feel for you Az and I’ve only experienced a tiny fraction of what you go through when I was press-ganged into babysitting my nieces and nephews.

  20. weeaboo
    January 26, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    God you are so fucking awesome. You should release a book containing all this raw, uncensored. It would sell millions.

  21. Raijinz
    January 27, 2011 at 1:50 am

    I’m shamed to admit I only just found Gaijin Chonicles after Gaijin Smash died! I clicked on it, and then I was like “wtf? Gaijin Smash went German?!”.

    I’m up to date now, and so glad to have your crazy awesome writing back in my life! And congrats on the new baby! She’s adorable!

    Keep up the good work Az! ^_^

  22. Nick
    January 27, 2011 at 2:04 am

    I check your site maybe once every 2 months and every time I do there’s a new post. Are we linked psychically or something, Az? Congrats on your new baby man. I remember reading your blog posts way back when; this whole site is kind of nostalgic to me. Just wait until your daughter starts talking, the cuteness factor will go up 100%.

  23. Mew
    January 27, 2011 at 3:05 am

    Further evidence that Az can turn any situation into an excellent blog post.

  24. Athlynne
    January 27, 2011 at 5:49 am

    Good to hear from you again, Az!

    Hmm, have you tried patting her bottom? Apparently that makes babies very sleep.

    • Athlynne
      January 27, 2011 at 6:26 am

      Sleepy, I mean.

  25. Mayhem
    January 27, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I can relate to this in an odd way. Apparently I was exactly like this as a baby. Gotten much since mind you. “Looking forward” to “enjoying” the same “delights” as yourself when I become a father…

  26. Michael from Denmark
    January 27, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Hey Azrael!
    Good to have you back. Was afraid the baby would stop you from writing!

    Best of luck, enjoy, and greet your family!

    By the way, does your wife know of your huge following online?

  27. Vonbootystein
    January 27, 2011 at 9:46 am

    it takes practice to do the “lay baby down maneuver”.. try bending yourself as close as possible to lay her down, lay her down with your arms under her and sloooooowly pulling your arms free.. thats how we had to do my little one. :) Glad to see you’re adjusting to daddyhood well!

  28. hiddentwilight
    January 27, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    Aside from the baby challenges, I would like to say kudos to you for your (as far as I can remember) unmentioned ballroom dancing skills.

  29. w
    January 27, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Good luck :). Good to have you back.

  30. bridgecross
    January 28, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Ah yes I remember it well. We described it as the age of bone-crushing exhaustion. Don’t worry it will all change in a few months. Note that I said “change” not “get better.”
    Our pro tip; running water. Or the vacuum cleaner. Oddly, anything but quiet. The baby still remembers the comfort of the womb, which is surprisingly LOUD. Constant white noise while you rock her. I would sit in front of the bathroom sink for 10 minutes, then sleep on the cold tile holding my child wrapped in a blanket. Hey, sleep is sleep!

  31. AutumnFire
    January 28, 2011 at 2:28 am

    You can also try holding her so that her ear is next to your heartbeat. This might allow you to lie down with her on top of your chest. Be sure not to fall asleep and roll over on her!
    And the “dry spell” will end when your wife isn’t so damn exhausted. Take it from me (who had a kid who didn’t sleep through the night until she was 14 1/2 mos. old), sleep deprivation IS considered a torture in civilized countries!

  32. clare
    January 28, 2011 at 2:28 am

    Please post more pictures of your daughter ^^ she’s so cuuuute!!

  33. Ashleas
    January 28, 2011 at 6:38 am

    I am so happy someone else gets the whole “Babies are intelligently stupid!” thing. I have been ranting and raving about this for years, about how I just can not understand how so many other creatures on this planet give birth to offspring that are READY. TO. GO. out of the womb and we have these.. little slugs that don’t know how to do anything (not even poop. Srsly. It’s not suppose to be… some sort.. of cheese curdle consistancy).

    Obviously I am not a parent. You can all rest assured I have no plans to become one.

  34. Sorgrid
    January 28, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Hope you’re joking about the TV bit, Az. You want to put your daughter to sleep, not in a coma.

  35. Lyn
    January 28, 2011 at 8:47 am

    I can’t say I feel your pain, I have no children. My parents apparently used to drive me around to get me to sleep. Apparently this worked very well. However, I don’t think you have a car. I think there is something online that is supposed to soothe a baby back to sleep without you having to get up (plays soothing sounds and lights)

  36. Corey
    January 28, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    Ever since my sister had a baby and we started babysitting her, I’ve wondered this:
    Why do babies cry when they’re tired? Why don’t they just got to sleep? It’s so incredibly illogical. Now, I’m not expecting babies to be logical, but it just doesn’t make sense.

  37. January 28, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    I missed your writing Az!! Great to hear that you and your family are doing well^^ Good luck getting that final level mastered!

  38. Fred
    January 29, 2011 at 2:23 am

    It was 1 1/2 years before my son started sleeping through the night. Talk about chronic fatigue…

  39. dane
    January 29, 2011 at 9:09 am

    This is hilarious!

  40. C
    January 29, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    Heya, first time commenter here. I read this article/blog entry on the WJS Japan Real Time section…Interesting stuff and it covers what you mentioned in a few of your entries!

    Oh, and of course, congrats on the transition to fatherhood…I know it ain’t easy (single female here, but many friends/family members tell me it’s absolute hell the first couple years)…

    Don’t become a statistic…

    http://blogs.wsj.com/japanrealtime/2011/01/13/no-sex-please-were-young-japanese-men/

  41. Tims
    January 31, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    Idea. Start your plan to turn your daughter into a nerd now. Transformers theme song, lullaby versions should exist somewhere around the Internet. I’ll drop off links if I find any. >

  42. Jen
    January 31, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/08/04/what-to-expect-when-you-have-a-newborn/?icid=main|aim|dl6|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2010%2F08%2F04%2Fwhat-to-expect-when-you-have-a-newborn%2F

    Yeah, like some people above said, you’ll get laid when your wife isn’t so tired. My recommendation? Take over baby care completely (no cop outs) for at least one day per week, even get your wife to pump or just use formula, so she can sleep for awhile. It will earn you many many bonus points.

  43. VK
    February 1, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Lengthy article, but it explains part of why human babies are just so dumb/helpless.

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=advantages-of-helpless

  44. Pants
    February 2, 2011 at 12:48 am

    Any kind of soft continuous noise that drowns out in the background tends to put babies to sleep (I speak from childhood recollection, not because I actually have any experience). I guess you could try the following:

    1) Play some classical music on low volume.
    2) Sing a lullaby or hum while putting your baby to sleep.
    3) Take your baby out on a drive around the neighborhood for about half an hour.
    4) Record the sounds of a vacuum cleaner or the low rumbling noise from a drying machine and play it on loop.

  45. Rodney Reynosa
    February 2, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Hey Az, you in osaka now?

    • February 2, 2011 at 11:59 am

      Still live in Kyoto, but work in Osaka.

  46. clare
  47. Dancingrage
    February 3, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Couple of tips from a dad who decided to let my better half sleep while tanking out the nights and trying to get a sleepy baby back to sleep.

    Get a rocking chair or something you can rock your little one to sleep in. The old image of a small rocking crib you can rock with your foot is iconic in the West for a reason, it WORKS. Rocking chairs can cut it in a pinch (but I don’t know what costs are over there.) but I do bear in mind that space is at a premium in Japan so I don’t know if you’ll be able to make it happen. It’s worth it for your peace of mind, and like I said, if you can’t do that, get a small porta-crib you can rock her to sleep in.

    Second, and this is one I’m glad I learned before my daughter was born is how to bundle a baby. Bundling reminds a baby of being in the womb, snug and warm, and I’ve used it as the ULTIMATE TRUMP CARD when my daughter was being fussy, five minutes bundled would usually calm down my daughter in no time, especially if I’m holding her. If it didn’t, then it was something else (colic, for example) and I’d just figure out what it was and deal with that, then bundle her back up.

    Another tactic I had was to set up a list of things as sort of a protocol of ‘what can I do to stop the crying’ because it’s not so magical as Hollywood portrays the relationship between parent and child, it usually involves a lot of guesswork on our part trying to figure out what’s bugging the little one, so it’s not just one option at hand if you’re looking at your fussy daughter going ‘wtf do I do now?’

    Good luck getting some sleep!

  48. Joe
    February 4, 2011 at 2:42 am

    Definitely try the swaddling. It’s tried and true the world over.
    And babies hate quiet. Weird, but true. Try playing some music for her.

    I’ve always thought that having a baby was like having a dog. They both piss and shit everywhere and will eat anything if given half a chance.

  49. noval
    February 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Nyquil. Just a little bit. Bourbon when she starts teething…

  50. February 7, 2011 at 12:04 am

    “But perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about babies is that they’re fundamentally stupid.”

    You misspelled Daddy. ;)

  51. Neil
    February 12, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Babies are sexist! I was on vacation with some friends who have a 4-month-old, and the dad could only keep him happy by walking/slow-dancing. Mom, she could get away with sitting most of the time. That said, one thing they both noted was that after a good, solid crying session, he’d sort of pass out, just from the exertion of it or something. BTW, always happy to read your posts, whether they’re about ‘the octopus’, kancho, or babies.

  52. Heather
    February 13, 2011 at 4:46 am

    I’m so glad I never used a crib. Kinda surprised you do. After all, it was because my godfather was Okinawan and my step-father was Japanese that I was never in one myself. I nursed the babes to sleep, fell asleep and honestly, I’ve slept better since I had kids than I did before. My body learned how to sleep more efficiently somehow. Never wasted time rocking (after all, babies are almost always hungry and it’s hard as hell to sleep when you’re hungry) or having to leave the room. I think my husband’s had to help at night less times than I have fingers and that’s two kids in. I was immensely grateful for the help on those nights and they were basically all in the first eight weeks before I learned to cosleep for real instead of the dumb bassinet-by-the-bed thing that my cesarean left me stuck with until I could move on my own.

  53. Heather
    February 13, 2011 at 4:48 am

    Oh, and a hint–babies hit deep sleep about 10 minutes after they fall asleep. Try the Happiest Baby On The Block for ways to get baby to sleep if you aren’t able to use the magical power of boobies to do it ;) It works like a freaking charm.

  54. cee
    February 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    sorry to hear about the dry spell. that, coupled with the nightly wakeup calls, must be rough. you can try getting one of those baby hammocks. my baby cousin used to be the exact same, wailing like nobody’s business if someone wasn’t carrying him. he liked the feeling of being weightless, i think.

  55. Missing Person
    February 14, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Az, you’re forgetting one thing.

    Your newborn daughter is 1/2 Japanese and 100% female. There is a 75% chance she will be entertained by Japanese TV. This may not work according to your master plan.

  56. February 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    hi, Az, I have been a long time reader of your blog (also I never commented) from Australia. I love your entertaining , yet honest, commentary on Japanese culture and life in general.

    I created a fan page on Facebook dedicated to you (your blog). It would be awesome if you could join (or for that matter any fan of Az).

    I took the liberty of using a photo that feature you and “Watson” as the fan page title photo, I hope you don’t mind. Figure that photo was posted on your blog publically, should be ok? If not, plesae let me know and I will take it down.

    the FB fan page’s URL is

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Gaijin-Azrael-Fan-Club/198840006794042

  57. Buck
    February 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Hello Az. I don’t have kids myself, but I’m the oldest of 4 an my mom used the same method on all of us to get us to sleep.
    She’d rock us to sleep in a room lit by the light of an aquarium. She’d also play a Tropical Rain CD (cassette for me). Like everyone else I recommend a rocking chair.

  58. Nax
    February 22, 2011 at 1:47 am

    askmoxie.org – it’s a lifesaver.

  59. Stephen
    February 23, 2011 at 7:08 am

    It’s a tough time with the first one. We had a shocker with regards to sleep. Ronin never slept well until he was about 1 1/2 – 2.

    We just had our second a month ago, and he is already a better sleeper (so far – touch wood). When he’s not having wind pains he sleeps through almost any noise we can throw at his ears.

    There’s a book called “Save our Sleep”. Maybe check that out. There’s a few tricks to teaching your baby to get themselves to sleep with minimal help.

  60. T
    February 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Definitely swaddle her and get some white noise going, it’s like the womb. Also, don’t rock her too much or else she’ll get used to only falling asleep when she’s rocked. Once you stop, then you’re back to cry-town.

  61. JaLisa
    March 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I started reading your blog when I was a freshmen in highschool and you were still a school teacher. Now Im about to graduate college and you’ve had your first kid. Time sure does fly! :D Congrats on your baby, and I wish sleep-filled peaceful baby nights ahead of you (as futile as that may be).

  62. Strtpls3
    March 5, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Good to see you back to writing Az! Started following you about 6 years ago…this blog has dfinitely changed focus, huh? Somehow I STILL havent made it to Japan, but one of these days, its going to happen, damn it! Good luck with the new family and Ill be looking out for your updates.

  63. LucrezaBorgia
    March 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    One of the tricks to putting the kid to sleep in a crib is to NOT HESITATE in your movements. That is what the baby feels, the hesitation. Remember, there was a lot of movement in the womb. Lots of steady rocking and other movements. Put the kid in the crib in one swift movement and then WALK AWAY. If she cries, let her for a couple minutes and typically they learn to go back to sleep on their own. If not, repeat as necessary. Don’t worry, every parent gets the hang of it. :D

    A white noise machine helps too!

  64. March 9, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Long-time lurker – originally discovered you between vacations to Japan. I just found you again, after seeing whatever Gaijin Smash turned into (I don’t read German). I hope all those old entries aren’t lost? Anyway, just dropping by to say I’m glad I re-found you and CONGRATULATIONS on the new baby! Looking forward to read more of your stories as time goes on.

  65. anon
    March 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Az, don’t know if you will get to this in time but i hope everything is alright. i wish you and your family and everyone you know and hold dear are safe and did not get too affected by the tsunami. Hopefully i pray to god you guys survived the quake. best wishes and all my support,

    anon.

  66. Nutty
    March 11, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    Are you ok? I just watched the news about the earthquake and tsunami. I hope you and your family are alright and alive. I’m praying for you guys right now and PLEASE update so we know you’re well and alive.

  67. andre
    March 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    AZ!! are you OKAY!

  68. hostilecrayon
    March 11, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Hey Az, I heard about the earthquake – I’m hoping you weren’t too effected by it. Please post when you can just to let us know you’re alright…

  69. john ostermiller
    March 11, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Az, hope you and the family are okay with the recent 8.9 earthquake… best wishes and kind thoughts for you and your loved ones!

    • Random Gaijin
      March 11, 2011 at 9:30 pm

      Yeah i hope they’re ok too. Hopefully he will give us a message that he and his family is ok.

      • Lee
        March 11, 2011 at 11:28 pm

        Agreed – those who have followed you for years feel like we know you (even though we don’t, really). First thought upon hearing of the disaster was hoping that you and your family are safe.

  70. jademushroom
    March 11, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    let us kno you, the wifey and the little one are ok

  71. March 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Just another vote that you let us know if you guys are all right, and if you need anything!

  72. Palabradot
    March 11, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    Here, here, Az. I hope you and all of your family there are safe today! They’re not really mentioning where all this has affected besides Tokyo on the news here, but I’m assuming the damage is more widespread than they say.

  73. Joe
    March 11, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Holy shit tsunamis, Az.
    Be safe, brother. Praying for you and yours.

  74. March 11, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    You are all in out thoughts and prayers. Be safe.

  75. Eric
    March 12, 2011 at 12:01 am

    Osaka is pretty far away from the eastern seaboard so there shouldn’t be too much need to worry about a tsunami but the quake would still have been scary. I agree with the others though. We all hope you’re doing alright.

  76. Caitlin
    March 12, 2011 at 12:33 am

    Yes, I too hope you and your family are alright! Let us know when you can so we can stop worrying about you!

  77. Athlynne
    March 12, 2011 at 1:30 am

    Az, man, let us know you’re okay. Sending good thoughts.

  78. TheOtherJN
    March 12, 2011 at 2:20 am

    Azrael, Azrael’s wife, and Anna… please be safe.

  79. March 12, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Azrael! This has nothing to do with your article; I became concerned when I saw the news this morning! Are you all ok? Post quickly, please! I have no idea how close you are to (or if you are in) the area that has been devastated by the earthquake and tsunami. Please update ASAP!

  80. Randi
    March 12, 2011 at 2:50 am

    Hope you all are safe. You’re in our thoughts!!

  81. Ihmhi
    March 12, 2011 at 3:19 am

    If I recall properly you guys live outside Tokyo. Regardless, please be safe, Az. You bring so much joy to this little corner of the Internets.

  82. Jerry
    March 12, 2011 at 4:19 am

    Best wishes to you and your family. Hope you and all your loved ones are OK.

  83. Paul
    March 12, 2011 at 5:00 am

    hope you and your family are safe Az

  84. Andrew McDonald
    March 12, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Yeah bro, let us know you guys are alright. Even a quick update is good.

  85. vaidkun
    March 12, 2011 at 5:43 am

    I hope youre ok.. this ertquake is a nightmare for me too because my family is in Japan

  86. edventure
    March 12, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Check in Az. Just a quick word to your loyal fans. Here’s hoping you and the Fam are all OK.

  87. alice
    March 12, 2011 at 6:44 am

    I’ve been a big fan of your work, and really hope that you and your family are safe and doing well!

  88. N. Taylor
    March 12, 2011 at 7:09 am

    You and your family are in my thoughts, Az. I hope you guys made it out of the quake alright.

  89. Matt
    March 12, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Yeah, you alright?

  90. Jay
    March 12, 2011 at 8:14 am

    I hope you and your family are all right, and I wish you the very best.

  91. starshelle
    March 12, 2011 at 9:11 am

    I really hope they’re okay. I know he’s been too busy with job and the new baby to post a lot recently, but Az and his wife and baby were still the first ones I thought of when I heard about this awful earthquake. I really hope Az will have a chance to let us know that they’re all safe and sound. :(

  92. Shiny
    March 12, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Get back to us soon, Az – never posted before but been a fan for years, and worried for you and your family. Let us know. All our thoughts are with Japan right now.

  93. Ronin
    March 12, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Az hope you are ok. The images on the news look horrible!

  94. starshelle
    March 12, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I thought to check the Outpost Nine forums and someone posted worded that Az and his family were okay. I really hope they’ll continue to stay safe until things have calmed down there.

  95. Andrea
    March 12, 2011 at 11:02 am

    I hope you and your beautiful family made it through unharmed, Azrael. I’ll be anxious to hear if you’re all safe and sound.

  96. Guts
    March 12, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    I hope everything is ok for you and your family.

  97. Vocab
    March 12, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Hope you, your wife and little Anna are doing okay Az!

  98. Vocab
    March 12, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    … amidst the earthquake/tsunami hit

  99. chi
    March 12, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    i hope you and your family are safe and well, please give us an update soon.

  100. Darkrider
    March 12, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Hope you and your family are okay AZ.

  101. Vetofor
    March 12, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Az, this is yet another “hope you are okay” message, but hopefully you and your family have remained safe. You have a wide range of devoted readers who are wishing you well.

  102. naho
    March 12, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Az, Az’s MILF, Az’s baby Anna, I hope you and your family and friends are all right..please give us a sign! You will be in my prayers tonight, as all other people affected by this disastrous catastrophe and the people of Japan.
    I hope ya’ll are alright!!

  103. March 12, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Az, where are you bra? My Jamaican friend teaching English is ok in Okayama Prefecture. I’m assuming the same obtains for you? Dude! Contact us!

  104. KuzuRanger
    August 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    “But because my hands aren’t made of feathers, and I’m not resting her on a bed made of Scarlett Johansson’s soft fluffy tits, she wakes up.”

    This very nearly made me LOL in the middle of my very boring workplace. I had to use all my strength to swallow my smirk quickly.

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