When the sannensei graduated last March, I lost most of the kids I’d nicknamed. I still have Spread Your Legs, Little Evil, Glenda, and Mousey, but except for Mousey, they’ll all be leaving soon. Sadness.
It’s funny though. Looking at the ichinensei class, there are some kids you can tell, without even hearing their name, are someone’s little brother or sister. The resemblance is just uncanny. For whatever reason, I haven’t been able to nickname them. Porn Star’s little sister is here, but she gives off a vibe that is decidedly less porn-star-esque. I considered naming her “Shannon Tweed,” (you have to be a child of late night Showtime skin-flicks to understand) but I couldn’t be that mean and just remembered her real name instead.
Rico Suave’s little brother is here too, but he’s not quite as Rico or Suave either. Maybe with a few more years he’ll work his way up to Rico Suave. I also considered naming him “Ricky Martin” but again, I’m not that evil. Or at least I like to think so.
Oh! Velma’s little sister is here as well. The second I saw her, I just knew she was Velma’s little sister. Despite the incredible resemblance, she somehow managed to avoid the Velma Vibe, perhaps by having a different hairstyle, contact lenses instead of glasses, and a better-fitting uniform. But one day she came in wearing glasses and her hair done exactly like her older sister’s. It was like looking at Velma, three years ago, and with that came the Velma Vibe. She’s only came to school with that look once, but I will forever think of her as Velma Jr.
There are only two other ichinensei I’ve been able to nickname so far. One is “Breasts,” whom you all know. The second one is “Stroky.” Stroky? One day, I was standing at the front as the teacher explained a grammar point. Stroky sat in front of me, sideways in the chair with her arm resting on the desk. This led to Stroky… fondling her breast.
Yes, despite being only 12 years old, she does have some breasts, small but they’re there. She was just playing with one of them! It wasn’t anything perverted. It was more like, “Hey! I’ve got these now! Cool!” as she absentmindedly fondled. Unfortunately for me, she was sitting in the first row, and I just happened to be standing right in front of her.
Yes, it was innocent, but I’m sorry, I’m just not accustomed to seeing 12-year-old girls freely playing with their tits. And I hope I never become accustomed to such a thing. I was weirded out, to say the least. But what could I do? It was the middle of class. I didn’t want to stop class to ask her, “Excuse me, I’m sorry, but can you stop fondling yourself?” No one else seemed to notice, so I didn’t want to embarrass her. And, technically, was she doing something wrong? I hadn’t thoroughly read the school charter, but I’m fairly sure, “No playing with your tits during classtime,” is not written anywhere in it.
Worse, that would require me actually acknowledging it. As is I couldn’t handle it. It was like looking directly at the sun; it was burning my eyes. I wanted to move away from her, but I didn’t want to disrupt class. So I had to physically turn my body away (damn peripheral vision). Imagine if you will, two teachers at the front of the class, one of them facing the window. Ladies and Gentlemen of the court, I ask you, what else could I do?
So I looked out the window and pretended very hard that I didn’t have a 12-year-old Japanese girl stroking her tits in front of me. After about five minutes or so, she stopped and moved onto something else, and I turned to face the class again. But now, whenever I see this girl, I’m reminded of That Incident. How could I call her anything but Stroky?