My Kids Are Perverted 2
I love the sannensei at the ghetto school. They’re really nice, funny, energetic, and spirited. It’s such a change from the bastard sannensei from last year and the bastard ninensei I have now. I enjoy going to the sannensei classes, because it’s always fun and interesting.
They’re still pervs though.
I know I’ve said this before, but what you are about to read is a completely true story – nothing has been added, changed, or even embellished.
I was in a sannensei class at the ghetto school. This class happened to have two of the boys who’d cornered me and asked if I was a Cherry Boy. Usually I start class by asking the students some random English questions as a warm-up. Today, as my last question, I decided to open it up and ask the students if they had any questions for me. They all looked around nervously, until one boy raised his hand and in English asked, “Do you love your girlfriend?” I replied sharply, “No. Next Question!” This of course got their attention, and they wanted more info. My English teacher (the one with the big-headed boyfriend) was aware of everything, and realizing it was a sensitive subject, silenced the students and ushered them into the lesson.
As soon as we broke for pairwork though, Cherry Boy #1 (I wish I had a better nickname for him) came up to me and asked if I’d separated with my girlfriend. I said I did and he asked why. I tried to wave him off, but he was persistent, so I caved.
Me: She cheated on me.
CB1: Really? You too?
CB1: Yeah, my girlfriend cheated on me too. It’s terrible.
Me: I know what you mean. My ex cheated on me with 5 guys in 4 months.
CB1: 5 guys. …5 guys?! What a slut!
Me: Tell me about it.
CB1: She was Japanese, right?
CB1: Japanese girls kind of suck.
Me: Tell me about it.
Having satisfied his curiosity, I got him to go back to his seat and work on the skit with his partner, Cherry Boy #2. After awhile, CB #1 called me to his chair to “ask a question.” Really it turned out to be another “cheating women suck” rant. I agreed with him, and at this point we had a pointed discussion on the ramifications of being cheated on and how it makes us distrust women. It was quite the man-to-man (man-to-boy?) talk, even if afterwards it left me again pondering the sequence of events that led to me having a pow-wow with a 15-year-old Japanese boy about cheating women.
At one point, he spoke up loudly and, addressing all the girls in the class, said, “You hear that girls? Don’t cheat on your boyfriends. It’s the worst! We’ll never be able to trust you.” I suppose I should have told him to focus on the lesson, but he was giving some good advice so I decided to let it slide.
They went back to working on the skit, but CB1 came up to the front of the class to ask me a question. For some reason, as he approached, he decided to point out all the students in the class who’d had sex. “Yeah… she’s had sex, her too, him, her, and oh yeah, those two had sex with each other.” He pointed to a boy in the first row and a girl in the second. They both looked up at him as he said this, and in response he said simply, “Yeah, you guys had sex together.” The girl, embarrassed, giggled, while the boy gave me a, “Yeah, I hit that.” sheepish smile. This particular boy is really good, and a great English student, if not a bit on the geeky side, so I was kind of happy. I know, I know! Fifteen-year olds having sex is just wrong and I don’t condone it, not in the least. But I still kind of wanted to give him a high-five.
If nothing else, I was really impressed with CB1’s intelligence-gathering skills. The CIA should hire him ASAP.
After a while, he and CB2 were finally ready to present the skit. It was from the lesson, a trip to the doctor’s.
CB1(as “Doctor”): Hi Mark, what’s wrong?
CB2 (as “Mark”: I have a fever.
CB1: When did it start?
CB2: Last night.
CB1: Ok, open your mouth.
CB2: Ahhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhh yeah.
CB2: Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh. Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh.
Me: Please stop.
CB2: You get it right? You understand?
Me: Yeah, I get it.
CB2: Of course he does. He’s not a Cherry Boy.
Me: …Yeah… so! Mark has a fever…
They finally got through the skit, and eventually class ended. I read their comments to me on the assignment. CB2 just scribbled, “Ohhhhh yeahhhh!” all over the comments box, but the teacher made him erase it. As students were filing out, CB1 came up to me once more.
CB1: Cheer up. Don’t let your ex get you down, she’s the worst. You’ll find a new girl. How about teacher?
Me: Teacher? Nah. My head’s probably too big for her.
Me: Sorry. Personal joke. Anyway, she already has a boyfriend.
CB1: Yeah, but you can probably take her from him.
Me: Gaijin Smash?
Me: Sorry, personal joke again.
So CB1 left, but not before another hearty, “cheating girls suck!” and a thumbs-up approval to hit on the teacher.
I told you I needed to reiterate that this is a 100% true story.