I shouldn’t even have to tell you who this editorial is about.
For those of you lacking Batman-like deductive prowess, this is the return of the “Please!” and “I’ll get it one day” boy.
He also has a thing for trying to take my wristwatch. He asks me to give it to him, and when I tell him ‘no’ he tries to take it off my wrist. I don’t see the appeal. It’s a $20 Mossimo watch from Target, but it’s my cheap Target watch, damnit. I told him to ask his parents to buy him one for Christmas, but he just replied with, “That won’t work!” When he’s not trying to grab my dick, he’s trying to steal my watch.
It’s an interesting life I lead.
This day, he kept pointing to his wrist all day and grinning at me. I responded by pointing at myself and mouthing, “mine.” After class, much to no one’s surprise, he came up to the front and started trying to steal my watch. It’s a banded watch, so all I really have to do to stop him is spread my palm out so he can’t slide it off. He doesn’t have the power to force my hand into a fist either. So, no worries there.
However, suddenly my Dodgedick Sense™ went crazy. I didn’t even know I had a Dodgedick Sense™ but this thing was going off the charts. I started backing away from him, and more or less the second he lost interest in stealing my watch, he started trying to grab my dick. I was quick to catch both his arms and restrain him, much like before. My teacher, the same guy incidentally, looked up and just laughed. So yet again, I’m on my own. Sigh.
I whined about repeatedly being stuck in this situation. My ambitious friend had not come unprepared this time. While I had him good and locked down, another boy came over. “Now, while he’s busy holding me!” the first boy called out, “Grab it, grab it! Aim for the center!”
What the hell is this?! Now they’re networking?! That is not allowed.
So now I had boy #2 advancing on me while I restrained boy #1. I couldn’t very well let him go, so I spun him around, and using him as a shield of sorts, tried to defend against boy #2. My Japanese teacher commented, as I pressed boy #1 up against me for protection, “Oh look! They’ve become great friends! It’s so nice.”
Boy #1 broke my defenses, turned around, and took a pretty close stab at it. He missed… but not by much. “You got it!” boy #2 said. “How big? Was it this big?” He held out his hands for a visual cue.
“A little bigger than that.” boy #1 responded.
“You didn’t grab anything!” I promptly told him.
“I did! I got it!”
“Then why do I still need to restrain you?”
“I need another grab for confirmation.”
The second boy eventually went off to do his own thing, and my teacher made yet another silent exit. How do Japanese people do that anyway? Batman would be jealous of their “Now I’m here, now I’m not!” space-warping abilities. Before I leave the country, I wanna learn how to teleport around like they do. Unfortunately, I spend most of my time restraining zealous young boys who want to grab my dick.
I carried him out into the hallway, again, and told him I’d carry him back to the teachers’ room if I had to, again. He still wouldn’t give up, so I set him down, gave him a gentle push in the opposite direction, and ran like hell to the staircase. He pursued, but when he realized he wouldn’t catch up to me before I reached the teachers’ room (and there, he’d be yelled at by the guy who loves his own voice), he gave up.
So I did manage to win Round 3, but not by much. Much like The Borg, this boy is adapting to my defenses and evolving new ways to grab my penis. I’m almost afraid to go back, I don’t know if I’ll be prepared for whatever new tactic he has up his sleeve next time. Resistance is futile. You will have your dick grabbed.