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Respect Mah Authority

Working with my Americanized teacher is so much fun. Once we were performing a scene out of the textbook. “Mark” compliments “Demi” on a nice costume and a job well done in some performance. “Oh, did you like it?” my teacher asked in accordance with the script. I decided to deviate a bit. “No, it was the worst,” I said. Most of the kids got this and laughed, and my teacher gave me a nice swat on the head for my creativity. I did see this one coming, unlike the smack she gave that one boy, which I still don’t think I technically saw happen, it moved so fast.

Then she had us reverse the roles. “Oh, did you like it?” I asked. “No! It sucked!” she excitedly replied. Most of the kids blinked at her in confusion. So she took a moment to explain a new English grammar point, “That sucks!” complete with a, “Repeat after me: That sucks!” drill. I couldn’t believe she actually taught them “That sucks!” Now my ichinensei at the ghetto school occasionally run around saying, “Ah! Thatto sukkusu!”

This past week, we went to class early to hang out a bit before the students came. The lesson we were about to do was this really stupid puppet play. Hearing the kids do it is kind of cute, but the “professional” version on the CD is nothing short of annoying. I wonder what kind of sick and twisted hatred the Japanese government has for English teachers to send them such a horrible thing. We were talking about it, and I said, “Man I hate those puppets. Just shut up already!” She nodded in agreement and said, “Yeah, really. Shut the hell up, you son of a bitch! Motherfucking puppet, shut up.”

After the five or so minutes it took for me to recover from “Motherfucking puppet,” I told her I still wasn’t used to her liberal swearing. She then said, “You know, I didn’t actually learn how to swear until I started watching South Park.” Wow. That’s awesome on so many levels I can’t even begin to comprehend it. I told her you could find the movie dubbed in Japanese and she was very interested in that. If you ever come across the Japanese dub of the South Park movie, I highly recommend picking it up, if only for the “Terenssu anddo Ferippu” version of “Unkuru Fakaa!”

One day when the kids are being noisy, I’m going to have her slam on a desk and scream, “Respect mah authority!”

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