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I Am a Japanese School Teacher…Again

I took a job as an assistant English teacher for two Japanese junior high schools. …Sound familiar?

I didn’t want to, I really didn’t. Can you blame me? It’s a lot like finally getting off of Gilligan’s Island, and then offering the castaways another 3-hour tour. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a whole lot of options. My visa was going to run out soon, and I had a nice, shiny new apartment that wasn’t going to pay for itself. There was nothing else on the market, and I didn’t have the luxury of being choosy. I took the job so that I wouldn’t deported get faster than Elian Gonzales*, with the intent of jumping ship as soon as I found something better.

*Since this is Japan, I doubt I’d have to stare down the barrel of an assault rifle. Probably just a samurai sword or a cell phone being wagged in disapproval or something.

For the record, this isn’t JET. There are a number of companies within Japan who also work in sending Gaijin ALT’s to schools. Quite a few schools also avoid the middle man and just hire foreigners directly. I signed up with one of the dispatch companies. This time, they would be sending me out to two junior high schools, in a suburb outside of Osaka city. Before heading out, I got a chance to meet one of my new English teachers, a nice older Japanese man who reminded me a lot of Mr. W from Watson’s School. After telling him I’d served for three years in three schools in Kyoto Prefecture, he told me “Well, since this is Osaka, unfortunately you may find that the kids aren’t as well-behaved as they were in Kyoto.”

I had to take a few minutes to tell him all about the Ghetto School. You know, I’ve seen grown men lose faith in their professions before…just never so quickly. That had to have been some kind of record or something.

This teacher’s school was the smallest of the two. However, it was slightly bigger than Watson’s School, which had been the biggest of my three back in Kyoto. Much as he had described, the kids definitely had a different flavor to them. This was apparent right off the bat by the number of kids with dyed hair.

I’m not sure exactly when it started, but the Japanese have hit a hair dyeing trend that doesn’t seem like it’s going to go away anytime soon. In a nation where, genetically, 99% of the population is born with black hair, at least 50% of them have dyed it various shades of light brown, or in extreme cases, golden blond (maybe they’re trying to become Super Saiyans? You can’t have a power lever OVER NINE THOUSAND! unless you’ve got blond hair…). Although I don’t think it’s the same for high school, in my experiences with junior high school, it was sort of an unwritten rule that students were not to dye their hair. Of course, it was nothing the school could truly enforce – could you imagine a Hair Police going around the neighborhood and checking to make sure all preteens still have black hair? But it was just frowned upon.

Therefore, a good way to tell what kind of control the teachers had over the students (or vice versa) was to take a head count of all the aspiring Super Saiyans among the student body. Back on JET, The School of Peace had exactly zero kids with dyed hair, Watson’s School had maybe one, and the Ghetto School had at least 10. Not counting the kids who shaved all their hair off in a pseudo attempt to become “hard”, and not counting the special boy who had shaved fake cornrows into his head.

So yeah, the new school had quite a bit of dyed-hair kids, which was a bit unsettling. I remember on my first day there, seeing one such sannensei girl. She’d taken it one step further – aside from the golden hair, she’d made it big. Really big. Somewhere between Peg Bundy, and Marge Simpson. She was also wearing enough makeup to kill a pharmaceutical test-pig, and had her skirt hiked up to the point where I simply don’t know why she even bothered to put it on.

I’ll never forget seeing her for the first time. She was sitting on a staircase talking to some friends. As she saw me, again, Big Black Man Fear kicked in (she is still Japanese, after all), causing her to fall right off the staircase, legs sprawled out. With her skirt hiked up to Canada, this of course exposed her panties. Her grandma panties. I don’t know why a 15 year old girl with a hiked-up schoolgirl skirt is wearing grandma panties, and quite honestly, I don’t want to. Maybe she thought it would keep all her STD’s from spilling out? Anyway, the way she’s sprawled out on the floor, just about everybody could see her Granny Panties. I could see them, the other teachers could see them, you the readers who don’t live in Japan could probably have seen them, shit, Stevie Fucking Wonder could have seen them. Despite this, she makes NO effort to try and cover herself, nor do any of the teachers attempt to get her to at least close her legs.

Granny Panties: …Oh wow, it’s a huge black guy.
Teacher: Yes, and he’s going to be your new English teacher from now on.
Granny Panties: Really? Well, hello I guess!
Me: …I refuse to acknowledge your existence until you at least close your legs.

If I thought this was something else, I wasn’t prepared for the other school.

The other school was at least twice as big as the first, and there were quite a few dyed hair kids. But, that wasn’t what caught my immediate attention. Most of you are all aware of the schoolgirl sock phenomenon – where girls wear knee-high socks to go with their uniforms. I don’t even think the socks are required, it’s just a thing that almost all of the girls do. Usually, the socks are white, but that could change depending on the school’s color scheme. Well, this school featured a black and red color scheme, so most of the girls wore black socks. And ordinarily, that would be fine.

But a lot of the girls choose to wear black stockings instead of black socks. Which, honestly, coupled with the hiked-up skirts, made them look like adolescent whores parading around the school. I know it’s not an official school rule or anything (“Thou shalt not look like a whore?”), but if I were principal of a school I don’t think I’d want my female students looking like ladies of the night. Sadly though, I’ve been in Japan just about long enough for this kind of thing to roll right off my back. “14 year old girls who look like prostitutes. Right. Oh hey look, something shiny over there!”

One girl I absolutely could not ignore though – she wore fishnet stockings…with a garter belt. Think about that for a second, let it properly sink in. Fishnet stockings…with a garter belt. That’s not even like Junior Ho in Training, that is just a Full-Fledged Ho. You can’t even buy that shit unless you pass the Ho Test, I’m sure.

Girl: Okay, I’ll take these fishnet stockings with garter belt.
Cashier: Before I can sell these to you, I have to confirm your Ho Status. …Have you had sex with at least 10 men for monetary gain?
Girl: …In the last hour? Hmm….can I count the guys separately even if it was at the same time?
Cashier: Okay, you qualify.

I guess we can only hope that the garter belt wasn’t attached to a splendid pair of Granny Panties.

And this was only my first day on the new job. …Here we go again.

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