Welp, the wifey is pregnant.
I won’t make sweeping claims about Japanese women, but from my experiences, babies come fast after marriage. Like the Japanese guy says “I do” at the altar, and immediately after bringing his new wife down the aisle he whisks her away to their new home, and is so happy to be married that the first thing he does is stick it in her raw. And 3 or 4 minutes later, the magic of conception happens.
You may be thinking “Hey, that’s not accurate.” And you’re right! Actually, it seems that lately, the magic of conception happens BEFORE the wedding plans. They even have a word for this – “dekichatta kekkon”. The guy, happy for no particular reason, sticks it in her raw, and a few missed periods later they realize that the magic of conception has happened. So the only logical course of action here is for the couple to get married, right?
Lately, apparently, dekichattakon’s have been on the rise. You may remember my wife’s friend R-san, who was also a dekichattakon. As if getting married already wasn’t a huge life-altering decision.
Guy 1: So, you’re getting married, huh? What about this woman made you think that she was The One?
Guy 2: Well, I liked the way her legs looked in that skirt – I was drunk and she said yes, I jizzed inside of her, and she got pregnant. We will now spend the rest of our lives together in holy matrimony.
Our pregnancy is NOT a dekichatta. Far from it. As you may remember, the wife was wanting to get pregnant even before the wedding ceremony. I managed to hold her off until after the ceremony at least, and then for another year after that. But then, sometime around July of last year, I caved in and decided not to practice contraception anymore. I didn’t feel ready to become a father yet…but I figured no one ever does, and I might as well just let the fates fall as they may.
That, and as any man who has “tried” to conceive with his wife can tell you – unprotected non-withdrawal sex is better than friend Crispy Creme cheeseburgers. Actually “trying” to have a baby was a wonderful thing for my sex life. Yes.
Me: So honey, wanna fool around tonight?
Her: Not really, I’m not particularly in the mood…
5 Seconds Later
Me: Well then, would you like to try and make a baby?
Her: YEAH! BABIES! Let’s go.
If we were 100% dedicated to baby making, there are better ways to go about it than to just shag like rabbits. Y’see, there are certain periods when she is at her most fertile – so we would try to calculate that out, and then I would try to save up my supply for those times, and that would hopefully increase the odds of successful conception. We didn’t do that. It was more like “let’s just stop using the anti-baby strats and see what happens.”
But after a few months, with every period signaling no pregnancy my wife’s expression of disappointment would get that much deeper. There’s only so much of the sad puppy dog face that a guy can take, y’know. It wasn’t a diabolical ploy on her part, she was just genuinely disappointed not to be pregnant.
So sometime in mid-December of last year, I decided to take the baby making a little more seriously. I became more mindful of her fertile windows, and I didn’t waste as much of the baby batter supply as I used to. And sometime in January of this year, she conceived. …Hey, when I get serious about something, the job gets done!
So as of now, she’s about 6 months pregnant. And she couldn’t be happier. That’s something I don’t understand. “Wow, I have a small human being growing inside of me, that I’m going to be responsible for for the next 20 years! Sweet!” I guess its a female thing? I usually don’t get that happy unless its a new TV or computer or something. To me, the whole process is still a bit surreal. I don’t feel like a father, or that I’m even close to becoming one. I guess it won’t really feel real until the baby is actually born. That’s what I’ve been told, anyway.
Now I’m facing a world full of unknowns. What kind of person will the child grow up to be? What kind of father will I be? I’m full of questions and lacking answers. But I do know one thing –
My kid will never go to a junior high school here in Japan. …I know better.