Home > Gaijin Chronicles > Battle of the Sexes

Battle of the Sexes

One of the first questions I get asked when I reveal that my wife is pregnant is “What sex is the baby?”  I guess back in the day, medical technology wasn’t that advanced, and we didn’t know if it was going to be junior or little princess until it actually came out.  However in the current day we can actually find this out while the kid is still kicking in the womb.  I thought that the gender determination process would be something more…I dunno…scientific?  Like maybe they would pull out one of those Star Trek tricorders and scan for the X chromosome (hey Apple, if you’re listening, this would be the perfect iPhone/Pod/Pad app…), or the presence of some hormone in mom’s body would tip them off.  But really, all it is is looking at the ultrasound for a penis.  No seriously, they just take a look and say “Well, there’s a penis, so it’s a boy!” or “Hey, I can’t see a penis, so its a girl!”

The pinnacle of modern medical science, I guess.

Despite this technology, I’ve heard that many couples choose to not know the sex of the baby, saving it as a surprise for birth.  While I can understand this sentiment to some degree, I felt that knowing the sex would be helpful for planning purposes and what not.  I also figured that childbirth, in itself, was surprising enough as is.

Doctor:  Congratulations Mr. Az, it’s a baby boy!
Me:  Oh wow…9 months ago I skeeted in my wife, and now out of that exact same hole a living breathing human being made from my DNA has emerged…and its a boy!  …But I already knew that from the ultrasound scan, so meh.  Say, who’s up for some Starbucks?

However, it takes a few months before your doctor can play Find a Penis, as I guess that particular part isn’t one of the first things to develop.  Even if the penis gestation period has passed, if the baby is situated in a way so that you can’t see between their legs this can still keep prospective parents in the dark.  I’ve found that in this interval of not knowing the sex of the baby, the next most common question is “Which would you prefer?”

Up until recently, I would have said female, easily.  I could be the doting dad, always looking out for my little princess and ready to protect her from harm.  And if any awkward body issues came up…then I could just defer to mom.

Her:  Daddy, some girls were being mean to me at school today…
Me:  Really?  I’ll go to school with you tomorrow; you point them out, and I’ll say very loudly in their direction how I don’t tolerate anyone messing with my little princess.
Her:  Thanks Daddy.  Oh, and I have some biology homework due tomorrow, can you help me out with that?
Me:  Sure honey, feel free to ask me anything.
Her:  Speaking of that, lately I’ve started bleeding from my crotch-
Me:  Take that one up with your mother.

Then of course, there’s my Get Rich Quick scheme of producing an adorable, marketable kid, becoming their manager, taking a modest 35% of their income and retiring at 45.  I consider Beyonce’s Dad to be the modern day Sun Tsu of strategical masterminds.  Sun Tsu himself probably would have given up war and just marketed out his daughters if his genes had somehow produced Beyonce.  Everyone knows girls work better for this than boys – not to say that it doesn’t work for boys at all (see: crazed rabid fangirls), but its just easier for girls.

But lately, I’ve begun to see the merits of having a son.  Y’know, the usual stuff of playing sports together with him…playing catch or shooting some hoops.  I also want to impart to him my awesome hobbies.  I want to teach him how to become a Street Fighter champion, and instill in him my undying love of The Transformers.  Both I would hope to get an early start on – joystick practice would start a few weeks after he learns how to walk, and instead of Sesame Street, classic Transformers G1 episodes would play in our home.  “Hey son…you want to watch Dora the Explorer?  What the eff?  Sorry, daddy’s watching the TV now.  What am I watching?  Oh, just this little show called The Transformers.  The Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons.  Here, why don’t you join me…”

This is all easier to do with a boy.  Not that I can’t do it with a girl mind you – sports, Street Fighter, Transformers, it’s all possible of course.  But then I run the risk of turning her into a butch lesbian.  Not that I have anything personal against butch lesbians.  I’m sure they’re a wonderful people.  Just, butch lesbians are like grapefruits – they exist, but they have little to offer me.  And vice versa!

Okay, let’s say she doesn’t become a butch lesbian.  She’s average, cute, hot even.  But now I’ve just created a hot nerd girl.  Well, what’s wrong with that, you ask?  In a few years, she could even go on to replace Olivia Munn or Jessica Chobot!  …And I think you just answered your own question.  Allow me to elaborate.

In college, I knew a girl who was into classic video games, and liked comic books and what not.  I went to her room once, and she had towers of old NES games piled up, X-Men posters on her wall, random comic books on the floor, and maybe even some GI Joes lying around.  Without telling you anything about what this woman looked like, I’m sure a good percentage of the male reading audience just popped boners.  The catch is that without all the game/comic geekyness, she was plenty hot on her own.  When I first enrolled in the class, as all men do I did a quick survey of the women in the room*, and she was by far and away the number one.  And then I found out about the geekiness.

Imagine you just won the Powerball Lottery, and as you go to pick up the check, you bump into Hugh Hefner who is like “Say, I’m kinda tired of the Playboy Mansion…I can’t keep having sex with hundreds of beautiful women day in and day out.  You want it?  Careful though, I just brought in a new batch of Playmates and this group is especially rowdy.”  Yeah, it was a little like that.

I would have killed a person just for a shot with her.**  Like, actually killed a man with my bare hands if that’s what it took.  And while this is perfectly okay for a single guy, I’m not a single guy anymore.  I’m a married man – no – I’m a father to be, and imagine my daughter is this hot nerd girl that men would gladly battle each other to the death for.  Like fathers don’t already have enough to worry about defending their daughters from the perverted thoughts of men…but a hot nerd girl?  I should just start buying guns now.

*Yes girls, we men do survey all the women in any new environment (school, work, etc) and rank them.  Of course we do.  And don’t bother asking your boyfriends/husbands if we do, because he will deny it.  Especially if you met him through school/work, and you weren’t numero uno.

**But Az, you may say – sounds like you were in this girl’s room.  Yes, I was.  She was even in my room a few times.  You didn’t hit that?  Sigh, no.  I don’t want to talk about it.  This was the fail that was my life up until the final year of college.  Even if I did run through the Playboy Mansion I wouldn’t be able to get this monkey off my back, ever.

So, if you happen to know a gun shop that sells heavy arterilly for cheap, recommend me, because the newest addition to the Az Family is gonna be a girl.  And I don’t think I can resist the urge to teach my offspring about All Things Awesome in the universe, like Transformers and Street Fighter.  The combination of black and Japanese genes will probably make her pretty hot.  A pretty hot mixed nerd girl.  And for all you guys who just thought about the potential of what she may become 18 years from now, just know that the first gun I buy will be a rocket launcher.

Categories: Gaijin Chronicles
  1. June 30, 2010 at 12:35 pm


    Since you mentioned not wanting your kids to go through the Japanese education system, I’d imagine you would move back to America at some point. If that’s the case, prepare for alert level 5.

    Hot Half Asian nerd girl? You’ll need to buy the whole gun store.

    • wole
      July 1, 2010 at 9:20 am

      Forget the store, you will need the secret service for this job lol

      • Aeonblade
        July 1, 2010 at 6:23 pm

        Holy crap, I’m in agreement with these two. You may need to invest in some quality time with the CIA’s head hanchos. That might not even be enough… Glad I’m not you 🙂

  2. Ayuka
    June 30, 2010 at 12:57 pm

    Congrads, Az!! Maybe she’ll be the next Thelma Aoyama! (^-^)

  3. sondex
    June 30, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Hey, Az, I;ve just finished reading all of yyour teacher/smash posts today. I want to express my gratitud for your diligence in writing your blog and sharing your interesting and personal stories. I wanted to e-mail you, but I can’t find your address (probably right in front of me, no doubt.) I’m a black male as well and I’ve always been interested in Japan. I plan to go my junior year (3 years from now) or next summer. If I go Junior year it’ll be for a year. However, I was and still am very concerned about the opportunity for jobs out there. I was wondering if you could elaborate as to what job you currently have now. It would really help me get ideas, just in case if I got JET or Fulbright and was able to stay for an extended time there.
    Btw, funny article!

  4. Cliff
    June 30, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Good luck man. lol I’m so glad I gotta boy, I don’t think I could handle it.

  5. Mrfox
    June 30, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    I guess you can enroll your daughter in martial arts, then you won’t have to worry about protecting her as much. Heck, if she’s into Street Fighter, it might be easier to convince her to start!

    • Mediafag
      August 27, 2010 at 4:46 pm

      So a cute, half-asian, nerdy girl with butch tendencies. When that girl hits High School, it’s gonna be like D-Day for Mister Az.

  6. Belthasar2
    June 30, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    Hooray, Azrael is finally back!
    Personally I was a little bit worried that something grave might had happened aside the “too busy to write” thing, maybe I’m just too pessimistic in general. Anyway.
    Congratulations on becoming a father, although, honestly, we all knew this was going to happen in your first year of marriage.
    Oh, concerning keeping away boys: A show of force should be enough. Just pick her up from high school, with your own personal tank, complete with barrel sticker: “You hit on my daughter, I hit on you. with THIS!”

    Well, welcome back commander.

    • Christopher Mohr
      July 28, 2010 at 2:49 am

      About that tank…. I may be able to help out. My unit in the NG is a tank unit. I’ve watched them fire up close, and I’m sure I could convince my tankers to help you out. Just kidding, do you know how much the gas runs on a tank? The thing will go through your civilian vehicle’s fuel (full tank) in about 15 minutes (assuming SUV, compact car less than 10).

  7. Amelia
    June 30, 2010 at 6:16 pm

    Well if it’s any help sometimes a foetus looks like a girl but it’s actually a boy with shy equipment.
    Still I feel your pain, my husband is brushing up on the karate in preparation for our daughter hitting puberty.

  8. AS
    June 30, 2010 at 6:38 pm

    Congrats on the baby girl. Prepare a pretty big arsenal when you return back to America lol. I remember a commercial where a father threated his daughter’s punk boyfriend by showing pictures of the father in a digital picture frame doing all kinds of scary stuff like pulling something with his teeth lol, just a thought to pass on.

  9. nerdypsychlady
    June 30, 2010 at 8:25 pm

    As a nerd girl who has been told she is not too bad to look at I would like to throw out that nerd girls develop creepy guy smashing skills. Teach her the creepy spotting techniques and help her translate the street fighter moves into real life and she’ll be fine. Playing video games with my dad and watching cartoons like transformers are some of my best memories of childhood so I really hope you do share those with her.

    And giving the girl her own mech would probably help, just buy her that instead of a pony.

  10. Herm
    June 30, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Azrael, a great article again.
    Its like my own voice tells that stories of yours. You are a really good writer.
    Keep on doing the great work

  11. June 30, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    What’s going on AZ. First off, congrats on the marriage & the future progeny. Here’s a site I saw many moons ago. When the time comes around for her to be of dating age, make sure you have a copy of this little gem called “Application to Date My Daughter”. And also make sure that she becomes a Kancho Assassin when those boys start messing with her in middle school.


  12. Starfish
    June 30, 2010 at 10:46 pm

    I hope that, on this day and age, you won’t try to force your kid into a gender role and instead give them options and see what they’re genuinely interested in. It can really fuck up a kid’s self-esteem if they’re not allowed to like and be what they want.

    This coming for a girl who loved Turtles and Batman but were only given Barbies to play with 😦

  13. Chelsea
    June 30, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Pfft, you think girls don’t rank guys in terms of hotness too? Of course we do. Or at least I do. Well I don’t really rank them per se, but I definitely check the room in new situations and figure out who the hottest ones are.

    Congrats on the girl. I think you can raise a girl to be a nice blend of stereotypical boy and girl. I played video games, but I also played with Barbies. But even still, you probably will need that gun, especially in the US 😛

  14. SadPanda
    July 1, 2010 at 12:10 am

    Az, you got to enroll your little girl in some sort of self-defense course at an early age. So she can protect herself when your back is turned. Maybe boxing, karate or even muay thai. You know what? Fuck that! Let her learn anasatsuken, so she can be shoryu-ken-ing men left to right.

  15. Vonbootystein
    July 1, 2010 at 12:34 am

    Congrats Az! I just had my little girl 4 days ago. We decided not to find out and let me tell you, it was worth the wait. We did everything neutral, which is slightly a pain, but if we had another one someday, and it happens to be a boy, we have a ton of stuff we could still use. Anyways, i know how you feel about the whole hot nerd girl thing. My husband and I are very nerdy (we got married on the deck of the enterprise….. yeah) and my daughter is mixed as well. So im worried that she’ll be quite the nerdy catch. Im also hoping that baggy jnco pants and big shirts come back into style when shes in high school.. apparently no one knew i had a hot body until i was like 18 because i was always wearing stuff that was too big. Anyways! Im glad you’re writing again!

  16. Mawande
    July 1, 2010 at 12:43 am

    I’m glad you made a place to comment at times! I’m glad you’re going to be a father, you’ll be great!

  17. Jj
    July 1, 2010 at 2:15 am

    I have to say that your life sure seems interesting in the very least! Wish I had found all the archives sooner! While I may not have mixed, I have 2 girls. Yes, god loved(hated) me that much to give me 2 girls. I have come to terms with the possibility that I will have to kill someone, maybe even twice! My hope is to apply some mental restraining force on potential boyfriends by sitting at the table cleaning various guns when they come over for the first time. As side note, both of mine like transformers and video games. They play catch and climb all while in dresses. I think I stand a chance!
    Good luck and learn to change diapers quickly!

  18. Kefqa
    July 1, 2010 at 3:42 am

    Hey Az, how do Gaijin get girls in Japan?

    I’m currently going through visa applications and such for Japan. Just finished school to become a doctor (haha) a few weeks ago. I’m tall – as tall as you. I weigh about the same. I’m white, from Canada, Russian background, and muscular. How will I find making friends and getting girls? Here I make friends super easy – I’m a really funny guy. I’ve heard western humour doesn’t translate to Japan, and also, for the girls part, that, and my body have been more or less my only way of getting girls. I’m afraid my cleverness won’t transfer into japanese, and that they’ll be afraid/grossed out of my size and body. Any thoughts?

    • July 1, 2010 at 1:26 pm

      Wow. You totally sound conceded. Don’t worry, Japanese girls can be as vein and self-promoting as you. No they won’t care about your charming intellect, but apparently you don’t care about theirs either.

      • Jamie
        July 13, 2010 at 6:29 pm

        Haha, I find it slightly ironic that you lectured someone about intellect and called him “conceded”…it’s “conceited”.

  19. Dancingrage
    July 1, 2010 at 4:38 am

    Congo Rats on the girl, Az. When I found out I was going to be a dad I wound up enrolling in a ‘boot camp for new dads’ course, just one day, but it did loads to help me get ready for the fun and games of being a dad. There’s lots about being the Pop that most people don’t realize are going to be important, such as how to calm down a super-fussy baby, or what to do in different situations, so I suggest if and when you manage to get back Stateside for a visit you find and hit up a course, you can get some really great pointers that way, like how Bundling almost always calms down a baby and puts ’em to sleep, etc.

    Now, don’t forget, the true test of manhood is coming up: Witnessing the birth. I’ve heard of too many ‘men’ who had their supposedly iron innards turn to jello when watching their child come into the world, you might want to consider prepping for it so you don’t lose face in the Dad club.

  20. Circeus
    July 1, 2010 at 4:38 am

    “But then I run the risk of turning her into a butch lesbian. Not that I have anything personal against butch lesbians. I’m sure they’re a wonderful people. Just, butch lesbians are like grapefruits – they exist, but they have little to offer me. And vice versa!”

    Mind if I say the argument is rather moot in so much as your daughter is not supposed to “offer” you anything?

  21. Iron Cheef
    July 1, 2010 at 5:00 am

    Congratulations Az! Great to hear of a new generation of nerds ready to take over the world.

    Don’t listen to people saying to enroll her (your daughter) into Martial Arts classes. Just buy her a pink Hello Kitty AK-47 and take her to the range. While this does have the possibility of attracting MORE nerd guys, at least she’ll be able to adequately defend herself as they shamble towards her like zombies. The Zombie Survival Guide may also be helpful.

    On another note, do you plan on raising her in Japan or moving back to America and schooling her there?

  22. BB
    July 1, 2010 at 5:04 am

    Jake: How much for the little girl? The women? How much for the women?
    Customer: What?
    Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters. Sell them to me. Sell me your children!
    Customer: Matre d’! Matre d’!

  23. Tim
    July 1, 2010 at 6:58 am

    Halfs are always hot, man. It’s a fantastic thing, but you are going to be one worried parent :-/

  24. Nicolas Rodrigue
    July 1, 2010 at 9:11 am

    My philosophy is that with a boy, you have one penis to worry about.
    With a girl, you have every boy’s penis to worry about!
    Still, if I had to choose personally, I’d still rather have a girl then a boy. Mainly because I noticed people tend to be closer to their opposite sex parent.
    So congrats on your soon-to-be baby girl!
    So, how is it going for the name?

  25. Chesu
    July 1, 2010 at 10:14 am

    You won’t be able to buy guns until you move back to the states… So, for now, how’sabout a katana?

  26. Bara
    July 1, 2010 at 11:45 am

    I guess you can buy a shotgun and take up skeet shooting, but mostly if you do your best to raise her to be a smart and strong kid she should not have many problems. On top of that; let it be known that her daddy is a VERY protective 6 foot American who is not unwilling to go a little crazy in his little girls interest and you should have smooth sailing in the main.

  27. Anonymous
    July 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm

    Better get those guns ready well before dating age….you’re in Japan after all.

  28. July 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Martial arts begin at 5 Az … just saying.

  29. vaid
    July 1, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    oh.. congrats on baby girl 🙂
    I may be rude with this question, but did you thought about name, now that you know gender, will it be japanese name?

  30. The Smart Warrior
    July 2, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Rodger that. A man of your stature producing offspring. Well, good luck with that. Perhaps, one day, she will become good enough at street fighter to defeat her own father…. *cue dramatic music*.

  31. Tiberious
    July 3, 2010 at 12:15 am

    Forget the Ansatsuken, I’m suggesting finding a good Rindo-kan dojo. Grabbing a dude by the throat before a good edge-of-hand strike, followed by a stiff punch to the sternum is quite painful…

    • Larry
      July 4, 2010 at 6:46 pm

      Did I just catch a SF Makoto reference? Grabbing by the throat then hitting a guy where it hurts followed by jabs leading to the face just sounds terrible.

      • Tiberious
        July 18, 2010 at 6:54 pm

        Why yes, yes you did. Although I referenced a simple, somewhat plausible-in-real-life combo (based on your ability to Karakusa for real), her style DOES look more realistic.

        Also, I was following the other referential comments before mine.

    • Leidbag
      July 5, 2010 at 9:07 pm

      Or, you know, you can punch a guy’s nuts or a girl’s crotch area using your super.

  32. Reverend Loki
    July 3, 2010 at 1:22 am

    Congrats. This past year I became the proud papa to a beautiful baby girl myself, and she is already showing signs of growing up to be a cute one (yea I’m biased, what of it?). And she’ll definitely have more than her fair share of geek cred. I say it’s never too early to plan for her first date. With plenty of friends into medieval reenactment, we’re thinking maybe they’ll need to bring the sword-and-knife collections over for sharpening that evening. Even better if we can set up the forge in the yard beforehand, greet them before they reach the door while pounding out steel. I imagine there has to be an effect knowing your date’s father can make and completely and untraceably destroy a weapon in the same evening.

    Of course, my wife and her friends, traitors the lot of them, are also planning ways to interfere with these well thought out plans…

    • Bara
      July 3, 2010 at 10:55 am

      Destroy the weapon? Nah, just get across the idea to any boys the idea that you and your friends can treat his most favorite piece of anatomy just like a piece of steel. (And his momma will have the daughter she always wanted.) Young boys don’t really believe they can every die; now excruciating agony and disfigurement… that they can believe in. 😉

      • Reverend Loki
        July 7, 2010 at 2:37 am

        Mmm.. definitely taking notes on this train of thought.

  33. someone
    July 3, 2010 at 1:42 am

    …dam how the crap am i suppose to top a rocket launcher!?!

    anyways congratz!!!

  34. Corey
    July 3, 2010 at 4:53 am

    You know what else is an awesome hobby??? Judo. Or hell, maybe you can find the last remaining ninjutsu dojos and somehow convince them to teach you and your daughter. It could be a bonding experience. You could even touch up on your dick grab dodging. Might come in handy if your daughter just so happens to meet a Watson, God forbid. An RPG would be of little use against a determined Japanese school boy, fascinated by the possible size of a big black man’s penis.

  35. Captain Button
    July 3, 2010 at 6:00 am

    “You know what else is an awesome hobby??? Judo.” Wasn’t Ultimate Sweetness’s father a judo champion? Now we know his motivation.

  36. Leidbag
    July 3, 2010 at 6:39 am

    You know, your daughter has a big, scary black man as a father. You’d think that’d be enough; but a big, scary black man with a rocket launcher? In Japan? Yeah, that’d be overkill.

  37. BigAl
    July 3, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    In 18 years from now? Let me ask my crystall ball. Ah yes, should something like this then:

  38. Athlynne
    July 3, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    AZ! I’m sog lad you’;re back and still blogging and still so entertaining!

    Congrats on the baby, I know he/she is going to be wonderful and adorable, and you’ll be an awesome dad, full of stories that one day he/she will be old enough to hear.

  39. July 5, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Hi Az,

    First of all congratulations on the next stage of your life. Secondly, I’d like say that I think that you’ve really become sort of an online celebrity now. I was going through the Apple App store and I discovered that “Street Fighter IV” from Capcom is now available and the first thing I thought of was “Hey, SF IV is here, I bet Az would love it”. Of course, neither did I know if you have an iPhone at the time, but if you’re thinking of getting one, then I know you’d enjoy that.


    • July 5, 2010 at 3:39 pm

      Thanks, and I have that app on my iPod. =)

  40. Wyld-Eyed in Niiza
    July 5, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    Hey Az. Great to see you writing again. I’ve kind of walked in your shadow in some weird ways for the last several years. I’d been planning to go to Japan to teach for a while when one of my friends hit me with the original outpost nine website. I landed here about three years back. I’m now married and our daughter is 8 months old. I guess I got a bit ahead of you on that one… Anyway, it’s funny how much your thought processes have mirrored mine on this particular article. I’m a dyed-in-the-wool geek, and at 8 months old her favorite toys outside her actual baby toys are the ps3 controller, my keyboard, and my keitai. (We bought her one of those baby ones, but she goes after the real deal every time.)

    My wife was pretty shocked when I informed her that I wanted to enroll her in martial arts lessons around her second birthday, but I think it’s a necessary precaution. First off, she’s going to be going through Japanese public education, and with the lack of control in some of those schools… *shudder* Second off, we’re planning to send her to the US for college when the time comes.

    Anyway, pardon the ramble. Just out of curiousity, what sort of work are you doing now days? I’m hoping to eventually get the Japanese skills up high enough to escape from teaching, was wondering what kind of work you found.

  41. Stephanie
    July 6, 2010 at 1:58 am

    You know, there are a couple of half-black, half-Japanese sisters at a Japanese university I’m studying abroad at right now, and they are easily the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life. You are in for one beautiful baby! Congratulations!

  42. July 10, 2010 at 10:55 pm

    Hey Azrael, you wanted weapons?


    Iran’s Defense Industries Organization. You can even order BY CREDIT CARD

    Yes, you can buy a tank, heavy artillery, machine guns, all from the comfort of your own home.

  43. Chris
    July 12, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    As I was once told by a priest: “Daughters are God’s punishment of the Sin of Lust — remember every girl you ever lusted after when you were a young man? Now, consider this: *Every* *one* of those girls was Some Man’s Daughter. So, how’s it feel to be on the *other* side of the equation?”.

  44. Noodle
    July 13, 2010 at 6:20 pm

    The largest caliber that can be fired by anything approaching a reasonably-sized rifle is 20mm (as in, 20mm anti-tank). There are perhaps ten different models out there. (My personal favorite is the Denel_NTW-20: 20mm rounds can be fairly expensive, so the gun can be reconfigured on the fly to shoot the much smaller .50 BMG — for target practice, you know.)
    With a good lawyer, you could probably get it classified as demolition equipment (it is marketed as an anti-materiel weapon, after all), and so sidestep Japan’s gun laws.

  45. July 22, 2010 at 9:10 am

    Az, there’s an easy way around all this, and without having to invest in a gun collection that would seriously put you afoul of Japanese law. Raise her to take bullshit from nobody.

    Sure, the guys’ll fight over her. Then, if they don’t live up to HER exacting standards, they get to slink back to where they came from with their arse handed to them. That way, when she does bring a guy home, he’ll grudgingly live up to YOUR standards! And will probably play a mean game of Street Fighter too.

  46. Bah
    August 19, 2010 at 11:16 am

    No, no, no, no. Az. Wrong. Rocket launchers are not hit-scan weapons. And they do too much collateral.

  47. Azharul
    August 29, 2010 at 10:03 pm

    Congratz you freekin awesome dude!

  48. September 11, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Just don’t teach her Perl, and you should be able to beat most of the guys off with a Klingon pain stick, provided you dress her in a full snowsuit whenever she leaves the house.

  49. Ignorance
    September 14, 2010 at 4:29 am

    Hey, you could get some spent AT4 tubes.
    Sure there not loaded, but who’s going to check that when they could potentially be staring down an anti-tank missile.
    Best part, the spent tubes are legal, and can make a badass Airsoft rocket launcher.

  50. Avalon
    September 16, 2010 at 1:39 am

    Hey Az, longtime reader all the way back from the original Outpost Nine site, though I just stumbled across this new place today. Congrats on the girl! And don’t worry, my girlfriend and I are both into Transformers, Street Fighter, and pretty much every other geeky pursuit you can think of right down to bad kung-fu movies, and we’re still pretty much as girly as it gets in the long run. Don’t worry about her turning into a butch! ;P

  51. Kage_Neko
    October 1, 2010 at 6:20 am

    I am a proud hot nerd girl and I welcome the birth of a new one!
    You have much to teach her, Az-san. XD

  52. October 10, 2010 at 3:00 am

    First: Congratulations! I just found the site again today, and we’re so happy for you both!

    Second: I am also a good-looking geek girl, and in that vein please consider taking a lesson from my father, who also worried about the very same things. Starting at age five he taught me to shoot and taught me a number of dirty boxing tricks. He also taught me to be proud of myself and not to settle on anything. I have never been terribly worried about protecting myself from men or boys since…

  53. The Fran
    February 28, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    Well when the doctors looked at my ultrasound pic, they didn’t see the penis that I do, in fact, possess, and its length is quite notable. So it ain’t too scientific.

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