Home > Gaijin Chronicles > No Sex in The City

No Sex in The City

Given some of the responses to a particular part of the last article I wrote, I felt compelled to write this one.  It feels kind of familiar, but I searched the archive and didn’t find it, so I think I haven’t written it before.  If I have…oh well.

Anyway, girls – yes, you too can have sex in Japan.

That sounds like a statement I shouldn’t even have to make.  Like it should just be so blatantly obvious, that actually verbalizing it could be considered an insult.  Kind of like walking up to a person and saying “So, you live on planet Earth, right?” or even walking up to Eddie Murphy and saying “Hey, so…you’re a black guy, right?”  But the fact that I even have to write about this just goes to show you how special Japan is.

First, I guess a general overview.  It should be common knowledge that women can get laid almost anytime they want.  I know that here, some of the female members of the audience are shaking their heads and saying out loud “that’s not true!”  If you happen to be a female who isn’t getting laid as much as you like, just know that its not because you can’t, but simply because of a lack of effort.

Yes ladies, you can get laid anytime you want.  Go to a bar or a club, or any sort of social setting like that.  Or hell, just go to Starbucks or a Barnes and Noble by yourself and loiter around for a bit.  If that method is unappealing to you, simply turn to one of your numerous male friends (I know you have them) and say “I need to have sex, could you help me out?”  Most of them will say yes.*  Even if that doesn’t work for you, the internet has given us a radical new option.  Just make a profile on any one of the adult-themed sites, and you will have hundreds of emails from guys offering it up.  You will have guys willing to drive in from out of state for the specific reason of boning you.  So really, all you need to do is let it be known that you want to have sex in the general presence of guys, and you will have men lining up to answer the call of booty.

*Here, I can hear some of the guys in the audience piping up “No, I wouldn’t hit any of my female friends!  It’d be too weird…”  To you, I say – stop lying.  That, or congratulations on getting enough sex in your life to the point where you can be fairly choosy about it.  If our female friends turned to us and said “I just want a night of sex – I promise it won’t get weird” and we actually believed that, most of us would take them up on that.  …That being said, there are a few female friends who I wouldn’t have sex with, but mostly because through all the sex talks we had, I know it wouldn’t be any good even if I did.  And ladies, if you turn to your male friends and ask “is this true?”, just know that he is probably not going to admit it, because if he did he knows you’re going to be looking at him with that “is he undressing me with his eyes right now?” look on your face, and he probably doesn’t get to hear about your sex life anymore.

For the most part, women don’t even have to make any effort.  Just go outside regularly, and you will have guys hitting on you at some point in time.  I know women who have made it their life’s creed to never ever ever approach a guy – this is the man’s job, and if he can’t do that then she isn’t interested.  So in these cases, its not even that the woman has no choices – she simply doesn’t like what’s available to her.  And here as well, I know there are going to be women who will say “I go outside and hit on guys all the time and get nowhere!  Guys have deemed me unattractive” – I will say that I can sympathize, because I’ve been turned down solely on looks before, it sucks.  I know your pain.  However, at the same time, go look up BBW porn, or any sort random fetish porn.  Realize that not only did these women get laid, but the guy doing it allowed himself to be caught on camera, and the fact that this is even a video means that there are guys out there who are going to jack off to this.  Almost every day in Japan I see couples where the girl is way below average but the guy is decent looking.  Ladies, unless you are actually the monster from Aliens, there is a guy out there somewhere willing to pork you.  And I would bet money that there are guys out there willing to pork the Aliens monster too.  You are not looking hard enough.

So hopefully, I have established that women, despite what they may say, can get laid anytime they want.  Again, this feels like saying “Hey everyone, the sky is blue!”, but sometimes a little review is nice.  Not all, but most women in America at least are accustomed to letting guys come to them.  So when they say they can’t get laid, its just a matter of not liking the selection.

And then we have Japan, which kind of turns the system on its head.

Foreign women don’t get approached so much in Japan.  Japanese guys don’t do it – they get scared and convince themselves of failure before they even start.  Other foreign guys don’t do it – a fair portion of the foreign male population has Japanese blinders on, and wouldn’t approach a Gaijin girl, even if she were, say, Jessica Alba, because she’s “not quite as attractive” as your average Japanese girl.  Yes, Yellow Fever is a frightening thing.  Then you have other foreign guys, who would be receptive to dating a fellow Gaijin, but we usually never get the chance because the J-girls have taken the initiative.

J-Girl:  Um, hello Mr. Gaijin.
Gaijin Guy:  Hello!  How are you?
J-Girl:  Fine, thank you.  And you?  Er…I was wondering if you could teach me English sometime.
Gaijin Guy:  Well, I don’t know, that is MORE English teaching on top of the English teaching I already get paid for…
J-Girl:  Well, perhaps we could just talk English while having dinner together.
Gaijin Guy:  That sounds a little bit more appealing.
J-Girl:  And I would also like to experience sex with a foreigner.
Gaijin Guy:  …Aaaaaaaand now we’re talking!

Literally not an exaggeration.

So while this goes on, Gaijin girls stick by their old system of…not doing anything.  And while this worked back home, here in Japan, it does not.  I knew foreign women here who were hornier than Hugh Hefner in his prime, who complained about never getting any YET never did anything about it!

Gaijin Girl:  Man, I’m so horny!  Why can’t I get laid here?
Me:  Well, what have you done to solve the problem?
Gaijin Girl:  I’ve been going to bars every weekend.
Me:  And?
Gaijin Girl:  I get dressed up real nice, put on the going-out makeup and everything.
Me:  And?
Gaijin Girl:  Nothing happens!  Nobody comes to talk to me!
Me:  Right.  And what happened when you tried to go talk to guys?
Gaijin Girl:  Oh no, I couldn’t do that.
Me:  But, can you really say that you tried to get laid if you just went out… and did nothing?
Gaijin Girl:  Back home when I went out guys would hit on me all the time.  But it doesn’t happen in Japan.  And now I don’t know what to do.
Me:  *facepalm*

The women who had these conversations with me, for the most part if they had just asked me I would have been willing to help out, but they never did.  Instead they just complained to me, a healthy and able-bodied male, about not getting laid, while I daydreamed about the things guys usually daydream about – sex, beer, drinking beer while having sex, nice cars, having sex in a nice car while driving somewhere where there is good beer, and Rice Krispie treats.

Even when I was still single, there were a few foreign women who caught my eye…but usually they got beat to the punch by a J-girl.

Gaijin Girl:  Hey Az!
Me:  Hey!  How’s it going?
Gaijin Girl:  Ah, not bad.  Just hanging out this weekend.
Me:  Yeah, me too.  If you are free, we should hang out sometime.
Gaijin Girl:  Yeah, that would be fun.  Well, let me know when.
Me:  Okay, will do!
Gaijin Girl:  *leaves*
Me:  She seems nice.  And she’s pretty hot.  I wonder how things will work out between us…
Random J-Girl:  Hello, large black man?  I would like to invite you on a date, which is really just killing time until we can go to a Love Hotel.  I wanna be struck by some chocolate thunder.  Are you free this weekend?
Me:  I…um…well…yes?

So yeah, the “do nothing” approach doesn’t work so well here.

If the Gaijin girl is willing to be more proactive – actively approach guys, talk to them, get their attention, then she can do well here.  Girls who do this get boyfriends and even get laid.  I’ve seen girls in bars pick out a guy, and within 10 minutes make it clear that she wanted to have sex with him.  And you know what she did that night?  It wasn’t crocheting, that’s for sure.  Although this is purely my personal observation, it seems as though American girls are the ones who have the most problems with this.  Non-Americans have no problems pulling guys, but the American ones are the ones who sit back and wonder why nothing happens when they do nothing.

So the message is clear: do something.  Be more proactive.  Go out and hit on guys.  Be downright aggressive.  And if that doesn’t sound appealing to you – what happens if I get rejected? – it’s embarrasing – too shy to do that – what will my friends think? – all I can really say to you is – Welcome to our world, ladies.  We men have had to do this ever since our hormones kicked in.  I have no sympathy for you.

Now, if you are looking for something more – a romance or real relationship, that’s harder.  It’s hard for guys as well, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.  But even for that, you still gotta be aggressive, and take the guy, Japanese, foreign or otherwise, away from the J-girls.

I didn’t write this to berate foreign girls.  On the contrary, I’m rooting for you.  I want to help you get laid (sounds kinda creepy doesn’t it…).  After all, if you are having more sex, then guys are having more sex – everyone is having more sex, and that’s a good thing, right?  Everybody is all satisfied and happy and Lucky Charms rainbows and shit.

Except for me.  I’m not having sex – pregnant wife.  But I want to help everyone else get laid, so I can live vicariously through you.  I want everyone in Japan to be properly knocking boots. Just think of me as the Santa Claus of sex.  In Japan.  Japanese sex Santa Claus.

…Yep, I think I have been here a wee bit too long.

Categories: Gaijin Chronicles
  1. Amnesia
    July 13, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    I believe in you and all you said. I’ll be in Japan for fall…. huhuhu (note for myself : do not forget protections)

  2. Bebio
    July 13, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    Man, I could not agree with you more. I am dating a Chinese girl here in Japan, since 4 months ago. And she has some Chinese girl friends who want to meet foreign guys (for some reason, they are not into Japanese guys), and they act EXACTLY like you described in your post. Just have a chat with the guy (if they ever get that far) and then sit and wait and do absolutely nothing more. Before I got my girlfriend, I was regularly being contacted to do all sorts of stuff (only a small part of it was sex-related, mostly just hanging out and having fun at bars and discos). My girlfriend was talking to me about this, and how they complained of having no luck. And I basically told her practically the same thing as you did (although I lack your excellent comedy abilities!).

    Japanese women are just proactive in general, and if they see a chance, they will usually not wait too long to see how it works out. Guys also enjoy it when the girls have some spirit of initiative…

  3. Sam G
    July 13, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Japanese sex Santa Claus… That’s something I didn’t expect to hear :D. Anyway, this was an interesting read – it combined advice with cultural differences. Hopefully the women in Japan who want sex and aren’t getting any will follow this 😀

  4. Aris
    July 13, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Haha.. brilliant piece Az – very well written. Chocolate Thunder – LOL!

  5. Larry
    July 13, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    This was just simply halerious! Great stuff

  6. Tan
    July 13, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    This entry does sound familiar, but I couldn’t seem to find it in the archives either. Weird.

    To play devil’s advocate here, while I agree completely that a woman could get sex very easily, a lot of it would be the kind of sex she wouldn’t really want. One could walk up to any man in any location, say, “Hey, let’s sex tonight,” and sex would be had. However, who is this man? What if he had some disease and refused to use a condom? That would kill the mood. What if he were an early comer, so to speak? Man, that would be disappointing.

    Then again, you did say that this would be just being picky. I guess if any sex is the objective, forget great sex or anything, then women would certainly have the advantage. Even if sex isn’t the objective, I think you are right in that the only way for foreign women to get a boyfriend here would be to be more aggressive, especially if they want a Japanese boyfriend, given the recent surge in 草食男子 among the young male population.

    I guess these women’s model would be Aomame from 1Q84. Go to a bar, find a guy who meets most of your requirements, and ask him to sex. It’s really as simple as 1-2-3.

  7. ukimalefu
    July 13, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    Dear Santa, I want a plane ticket to Japan for Xmas 😀

  8. TheMysteriousCam
    July 13, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    I think the Gaijin women you describe are like that because of the media and culture in their home countries. In America, for example, most of our movies, TV shows, and romantic activities either show or require men chasing after women.

  9. Stephanie
    July 14, 2010 at 12:39 am

    Setting aside all the other issues (which I pretty much agree with, as an American woman who has pretty much always approached others for, and gotten with decent success, sex.), I have a question for you. Why on earth are you not having sex with your wife because she’s pregnant????? There’s no medical reason at all why she can’t have sex when she’s preggers! Hell, some women say that pregnant sex is the best sex of their lives! Your wife seems like a pretty intelligent lady, so show her some research if she is against it for some reason.

    I give you this advice because I also believe in consensual sex for everyone. Hurray, sex!

    • July 14, 2010 at 8:57 am

      Tell that to her. I’ve made my case, but she just isn’t into it. It’s a psychological/emotional state problem.

      • Andre
        July 14, 2010 at 9:46 am

        *it’s healthy for the baby*

      • Bara
        July 14, 2010 at 11:04 am

        And it will increase the baby’s IQ also. 😉

      • Navi
        July 15, 2010 at 9:14 am

        I sympathize. It’s all well and good when it’s you and your wife boinking, but now, in a way, it’s you and your wife AND YOUR CHILD. That’s just too weird. O__o

      • Vonbootystein
        July 16, 2010 at 5:28 am

        sorry to hear that az, i was the opposite, i basically raped my husband once i was in the 2nd trimester..

        when she’s at the point when shes tired of being pregnant, usually around 38 weeks, tell her that sex can help to get her closer to labor. you can even show her the science behind it.. its completely true!

      • July 30, 2010 at 6:00 pm

        Aww man so sorry to hear that, if you want I can scan parts of a book for you that show the best positions for pregnant women ;p

        Maybe that will convince her ^^

  10. Tom
    July 14, 2010 at 12:47 am

    This piece was more than fantastic.

  11. Reverend Loki
    July 14, 2010 at 1:07 am

    Interestingly enough, the Japanese sex Santa Claus is also known for exclaiming “Ho, Ho, Ho!”. The connotation’s a bit different, though.

  12. Andrew
    July 14, 2010 at 2:26 am

    I’m in agreement. I wouldn’t be surprised if these same women who do nothing and wait to get picked up also end up with jerks quite often. By not being proactive how are you supposed to find someone decent?!

  13. Andre
    July 14, 2010 at 4:15 am

    My pregnant friend has a lot of sex with her partner. There is no physiological reason not to, and her doctor actually said it is healthy (for her and the baby) to do so during pregnancy. Convey that to your wife.

  14. Nicolas Rodrigue
    July 14, 2010 at 4:55 am

    I was under the impression that was a general rule for any girl anywhere in the world.
    No way it’s like this only in Japan.

  15. Esh
    July 14, 2010 at 6:14 am

    Az, has anyone ever told you that you kinda talk like an older, more perverted, black Kyon from the Haruhi Suzumiya series?

    • Kosine
      July 18, 2010 at 9:25 am

      +1 for Truth and Amazing Win.

  16. TheGZeus
    July 14, 2010 at 10:24 am

    I would lose my mind if I was with someone, they got pregnant, then they didn’t want to have sex as a result.
    It’s not unhealthy, there are studies that say women are capable of more pleasure during sex due to hormone levels.

    SEX IS RELAXING. Relaxation and moderate exercise are good during pregnancy.

    Logic follows that sex during pregnancy is awesome.

    I have nooooo plans to have children, but I would have so much sex with a pregnant woman.

  17. Cliff
    July 14, 2010 at 10:30 am

    too funny.

  18. Bryson
    July 14, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Esh :
    Az, has anyone ever told you that you kinda talk like an older, more perverted, black Kyon from the Haruhi Suzumiya series?

    Actually, no one’s told him this, because not only is it untrue, it’s a BATSHIT CRAZY CLAIM.

  19. Dave
    July 14, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Excellent. Some old school OP9 Az, right here.

    Don’t get me wrong, Gaijin Smash/I am a Japanese School Techer was cool, but the old “life in general” editorials from OP9 were my favourites by far. Fair enough, you’ve been at this since you come back, but I just felt I should get that out.

  20. Herm
    July 14, 2010 at 7:36 pm

    greater than great Azrael. Very true indeed.
    You are the king of chocolate thunder! 🙂

  21. ruffles
    July 14, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    >>There’s no medical reason at all why she can’t have sex when she’s preggers

    Well, you wouldn’t want to dent the baby would you?


    It doesn’t suit me, but ‘m going to brag. In 2008 around Christmas time, I was in Japan doing some skiing (incidentally, it’s where a friendly american pointed me in this blogs direction) and I scored every night. I was only there a week, but WHAT A WEEK. However, only 3 of the girls I encountered were japanese. The others were british, canadian and a fellow australian. the american girls were completely uninterested/passive. So Az, You’re completely correct on this one. And I’ll be back for more skiing at the end of this year.

  22. MissShibuya
    July 14, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    I agree!! One time I brought my black boyfriend to Japan and he’s skinny! OMG so many gurls were trying to get at him that I couldn’t go to sleep! He was way popular over there and he used that as a punishment. Like if I argued with him, he’ll just be like let me go walk outside.That would shut me up. Does your wife worry that girls will take you away? Have you heard of Japanese women being concerned about being with a black guy in Japan due to the amount of competition?

    • wole
      July 17, 2010 at 3:30 am

      lol on the punishment part. I can imagine he milked that one a lot

  23. PowerThatIs
    July 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm

    Here in America, I always thought that guys like the chase and that they don’t like when girls chase them for whatever reason. That probably explains our sit-back-and-let-them-come mentality. People really need to stop telling us American girls that!

    • Leidbag
      July 15, 2010 at 11:44 pm

      Well, maybe that’s the way things should be in America. When in America, do what Americans do, and when in Japan, do what the Japanese do.

    • Reverend Loki
      July 16, 2010 at 7:04 am

      As an American Guy, I’m here to say – it’s not that guys don’t like it when a girl approaches them, it’s just that it never happens. We like it, but a lot of us just don’t know it yet. We’re conditioned that “guy chases girl” is dogma, and if someone deviates from that, we’re confused. We don’t know what to do. Sometimes we panic and lash out, sometimes we just don’t know how to react and do nothing. All of that can easily be misinterpreted as “do not like”. Don’t let that stop you, though! Break with the norm, be a trailblazer, girl!

      • Kamui
        July 16, 2010 at 4:04 pm

        Agreed. I actually had this happen to me when I was in Fort Campbell, KY, just before I got out of the Army. I was sitting at the bar at the end of July 2008 and watching some TV and this chick and her friend sat down on either side of me at the bar and the one chick ordered a beer for me. I didn’t know how to respond. I froze. I was like “Uh… thanks!” I eventually started talking to them, but for a good five minutes I had no idea what to do or say. I think my hesitation also made me lose the chick, though. I would have totally hit that. THOU SHALT NOT… HESITATE!

      • Wyld-Eyed in Niiza
        August 7, 2010 at 8:55 am

        Yeah, my ex-wife approached me first, as did my last girlfriend before leaving the states for Japan. I have to say I really LIKE being approached by girls. I think I didn’t spend enough time in the right places while I was single here though, I only got approached once and she was so drunk that I would have felt guilty for tapping it.

  24. osakaguy
    July 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Does the foreign thing apply to ugly guys as well? I’m not that super in the face department – but I’m fit and end up being the funny guy in whatever group it is that I’m hanging out with at the time.

  25. Bke
    July 15, 2010 at 6:43 pm

    Dude, if you use that last paragraph in a political speech you could get elected prime minister of Japan, hell even president of America. And you have to say it in a Martin Luther King jr voice: I have a dream, that one day all people in japan will get laid!

    • Rhino
      July 15, 2010 at 7:43 pm

      “Yeah? Well what does he do for the little guy?”
      “Dude… he wants you to get laid. You! Laid!”
      “… Oooooh.”
      Az has my vote.

      Was a bit worried there when Gaijin Smash was down and then even more so when it came up as a German blog. Glad to see you back Az 🙂

  26. Aeon
    July 16, 2010 at 1:03 am

    Az, you’ve officially become a personal hero of mine! Thank you for all your hard work in the ways of getting people laid.

  27. mangamuscle
    July 16, 2010 at 1:11 am

    AFAIK if you do her from behind there can be no problem, no matter how *big* you are (unless you are abnormally big, but then doing intercourse would hurt any non-prostitute woman, pregnant or not, japanese or not).

  28. Sammy
    July 16, 2010 at 8:51 am

    I am married. I was the one who initiated things with my husband when we first met. I know after years of being together that if I hadn’t, it never would have happened, or it would have been months because he is clueless when it comes to that kind of stuff.

    And I read that pregnant women are supposed to be more horny than usual, because each day they are pregnant, they have as much estrogen in their system as they would have in 3 months or some crazy shit like that.

    If your wife isn’t having a difficult pregnancy, somehow trick her into having sex with you, and maybe she’ll realize how great pregnancy sex is.

    • July 16, 2010 at 9:44 am

      Thanks for the support/advice, but unfortunately it’s probably not gonna happen. She just isn’t into it mentally right now – I could get her to agree to sex, but she wouldn’t enjoy it no matter what I did, and then I wouldn’t enjoy it.


      • Bara
        July 16, 2010 at 10:36 am

        Dang, well I understand what your saying. At least you are not so bad off in the sex department yet that you are re-thinking this as an option…

        Barking Up The Wrong Tree

        My wife even suggests that if I wanted to, I could go on a date with IKKO. “If you hang out around the filming location, she might come talk to you – then you could invite her on a date! That would be cool!” …No, it wouldn’t. This eventually leads to a conversation where I find out that, were I so inclined, I could have all the extramarital sex I wanted to. All the extramarital gay sex I wanted to. Not just famous cross-dressers, no no. Any random dude I wanted to pork would be A-OK.

  29. Kamui
    July 16, 2010 at 3:56 pm

    Sex Santa Claus. I have my Halloween costume for next year. Sweet!

  30. Lyndsey
    July 16, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    Just wanted to say that this entry is 100% true!! Im an American girl going to a Japanese University and I saw a guy I was interested in October, and we were dating by November (and have been for 8 months now). Japanese guys are reallllly shy and if you dont send them some signals there is like a 2% chance that they will start something from their end themselves(low self esteem maybe??)

  31. ClaraBelle
    July 16, 2010 at 10:47 pm

    Yes, great article! I agree it is very possible for gaijin girls to get laid and have boyfriends in Japan. I lived in Japan for almost 3 years and had no problem in that department with both Japanese and Western boys. But it’s much harder getting attention than in America so it really helps if…

    You live in a large city like I did.
    You speak Japanese. This obviously relaxes J-boys, even if you speak English together, because they don’t have to be your interpreter/babysitter/guide.
    You have normal hobbies. If you are into subculture like anime or Japanese hip hop, the circle of people with whom you will connect will be smaller.
    You are petite. J-boys like small girls on the thin side of average. Also, if you are larger, realize that like 90% of the women in Japan are not so it’s likely if you can’t fit into any Japanese clothes, you are likely to not conform with many J-boys’ body ideals. Sad truth.

    But I think even a tall overweight Anglophone anime geek living in the countryside can find a boyfriend (I’ve seen it), you just have to, most importantly, be NICE and FRIENDLY–and don’t play games, because J-girls don’t do that.

    As a Westerner, you tend to be a better conversational partner than many J-girls, so if you are easygoing and flirty, that mix will surely be appreciated–especially by foreign men who have dated sweet yet uneducated girls. And yes, you will lose to the beautiful, charming, and intelligent J-girls, but let’s be honest: could you hold your own against the beautiful, charming, and intelligent girls in your own country?

    And if you won’t date J-boys? I got no sympathy for you.

  32. anon
    July 18, 2010 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Az,

    wanted to say that i’m sorry for you.
    I was even more active during pregnancy and six weeks after birth my husband and me were on it again.
    But i think my husband is really lucky cause most woman are like your wife.

  33. Digital Masta
    July 18, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    About this not having sex because you have a pregnant wife…I’m pretty sure pregnant women have sex. Sure it has to be adapted to fit the situation of her being pregnant but they sure as hell do it.

    • Digital Masta
      July 18, 2010 at 7:44 pm

      And no…I typically don’t sift through everyone’s comments to see if this was asked.

  34. Sera
    July 18, 2010 at 11:17 pm

    I’m dating a Japanese guy, and I can’t tell you how many times I wake up at 4 a.m. tangled in a sweaty mass of clothing and blankets, because 5 minutes after I turn on the a/c at I hear:


    Jesus christ, my vagina has more balls than he does sometimes.

    • John
      July 19, 2010 at 9:10 am

      LOL. Kick his ass. I think he’s asking for it.

  35. david
    July 19, 2010 at 1:11 am

    i have a girl friend who’s working in tokyo now, and she hasn’t had a BF since several years. Lately she tried to hit on a guy who told her “i’m 28 now, i should be looking for a girl to marry, so i can’t date foreigners”
    What is your advice to her dear Santa ?

  36. Ciri
    July 19, 2010 at 7:00 am

    I always put my foot in my mouth when it comes to talking to handsome folk. I’m odd on my own – but even more so when I’m physically attracted to someone. If I’m forward I usually get played with or bullied. I guess I’ve always felt that obvious attraction is a weak spot that can be used to your disadvantage later. Not to mention that if like a guy I try to show off. A girl is not nearly as admired for having sex as a guy – so I want to know I have a small amount of esteem first. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself if I felt I was being sneered at. Having sex with a guy that obviously thinks you’re easy (in a bad way) is like having someone laugh at your penis the entire time. Not worth it anyway, and much more likely to happen.

  37. lazyjones
    July 19, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    … yes, but is this satisfying for a western girl if she has to do _all_ the work? A girl shouldn’t have to do all the work. It’s kinda unappealing, if a guy is way too shy.
    And let’s be honest, most J-guys are pussies. I mean… no offense here, but way too shy. If I’d be a woman, and my guy would need more time in the morning to do his hair…
    I sometimes pity all the western girls here in Japan. Their life ain’t easy over here…

  38. July 20, 2010 at 10:52 am

    i would have thought that the japanese santa claus of sex would be a robot, not a large black man.

  39. Sammy
    July 21, 2010 at 4:15 am


    I just finished reading this. Is it possible you aren’t showering enough for your wife? Lol 🙂

  40. jrAlas
    July 21, 2010 at 4:37 am

    damn that was so fun, i really have to go to japan any time soon

  41. ZZ
    July 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    I agree completely. When I first got here, I did the “do nothing” approach and got no where. I quickly learned that I needed to be the one to approach the guy, and since then have had no problems at picking up Japanese boys. A few times I’ve actually had Japanese guys approach me! And sometimes they’re completely sober. Shocking.
    But recently I’ve found myself wanting a more serious relationship, and that’s proven to be a lot harder. My first Japanese boyfriend was clearly in it so he could brag to his buddies that he was banging a gaijin chick. Another got bored with me pretty quickly. I’ve tried asking out a few of my friends that I thought were cute, but each time the response was “But you’re my friend! I can’t date you!”
    The current guy I’m dating seems nice enough, but I’m still trying to figure out if he likes me for ME or just because I’m a gaijin.
    So, yeah. Sex is easy. Meaningful relationships are hard.

    • MissShibuyaCakes
      August 8, 2010 at 1:13 am

      I agree with you! I think it’s harder for gaijin girls to find a serious relationship than the guys because some families esp. the dads will disown their son!

  42. Ian
    July 22, 2010 at 6:20 am

    Bara :
    And it will increase the baby’s IQ also.

    If you do this the baby will grow up to build giant fighting robots. I have a garage full of them.

  43. July 22, 2010 at 8:38 am

    Goddammit, Az. I get around to reading your blog for the first time in years, and you make me choke on a cup of ice water.

    Well done~

  44. 3DPancake
    July 23, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    Wow! This is as good as the old relationship stuff on OP9! Good to see the old Az writing again. Good Job!

  45. D
    July 24, 2010 at 6:47 am

    oh, man I need to check back more often.
    and? May have ruptured my spleen laughing.
    2nd and? It’s nice that women take the initiative, someplace in the world…

    BTW, why the lack of nookie, AZ? When my ex was preggers she was insanely horny. It was the rest of the time she hated my guts…

  46. Typhoon
    July 25, 2010 at 1:49 am

    Great stuff. Glad to see that things are working out well for you.

    Did you ever run into the Flying Japanese Man Dictionary Guy on the Keihin line again?

  47. Nik
    July 25, 2010 at 8:40 am

    Hey Az,

    Glad you got the website up and running! I thought you’d disappeared into the e-wilderness. Glad to know that one of my all time favorite blogs is still ongoing. I would send some cash your way, but I’m a poor student (again).

    Hope all is well and I am looking forward to more posts!


  48. Griss
    July 26, 2010 at 6:40 am

    Brings a whole new meaning to Ho-Ho-Ho

  49. July 29, 2010 at 12:49 am

    “*Here, I can hear some of the guys in the audience piping up “No, I wouldn’t hit any of my female friends! It’d be too weird…” To you, I say – stop lying.”

    Quoted for truth.

    Anyway, it’s good to see you writing again, Az. I was a regular follower-commenter on the old blog (actually dating back to the Outpost Nine days) under Colin (my actual name). The world needed these posts.

  50. Cecilia
    July 31, 2010 at 9:57 pm

    “And here as well, I know there are going to be women who will say ‘I go outside and hit on guys all the time and get nowhere! Guys have deemed me unattractive’ ”

    That’s me, 100%. And I’m a girl-gamier-sci-fi-nerd, you think I’d have guys lining up, right? Nope. Not in real life. Or locally, at least. Looks are just too damn important. I’ve never gone on a date in my entire life, let alone have been kissed. And I’m 22! So I can’t help but feel that there is no one out there for me. In real life, anyways. Go figure I’ve had a lot of guys with crushes on me on the internet because of my girl-gamer-sci-fi-nerd personality. And yes, I’ve actively looked and flirted.

    Also, I want to congratulate you now for your soon-to-be-baby, and that I feel sorry for you that your wife doesn’t feel like sex. Maybe she feels unattractive right now because of her pregnant belly? Ah, well, just be careful of sex AFTER you have the baby, for a while anyways. Women are extremely likely to get pregnant again up to three or so months after giving birth. Just a heads up.

    • Creepy Internet Guy
      August 1, 2010 at 10:11 am

      Cecilia :
      I’ve never gone on a date in my entire life, let alone have been kissed. And I’m 22! So I can’t help but feel that there is no one out there for me.

      That whole no dates or being kissed etc thing is pretty easy to fix.
      I know a guy (me) who can easily help you out with that, in real life, easy as pie.

    • Andrew
      August 10, 2010 at 4:56 am

      You must not drink or go to bars.

      • Ashleas
        August 19, 2010 at 10:13 pm

        I’m kinda in the same boat of Cecilia. Gamer geek-girl, but no guys swarming on me. I’ve had boyfriends before (Just had a nasty completely non-mutual break up), but nearly all of them have come about because I started something. I am starting to really hate that. I want to feel like I’M be sought for once.

        But, is it possible to do without drinking or going to bars? Everyone tells me to go out, go to clubs, bars.. but I hate those places. And when I do go out, usually it’s to get something or to work.. and no one every approaches me or anything. :/

    • creepy internet guy
      August 26, 2010 at 3:04 pm

      Well it’s almost been a month and you didn’t take me up on my offer. tsk tsk tsk.
      Woulda done it too.

    • tony
      August 28, 2010 at 7:46 pm

      Cecilia you need to go to clubs or bars there is no way no one isn’t going to hit on you.

      It’s just a state of mind. I’ve dated a cute jgirl who havn’t had any relationships for a long long time. When I talked with her she said she might end up buying a dog or something if nothing happens. Now that I think about it I can kinda feel like I “saved” her from being an eternal lonely girl but this didn’t happen at a comic convention or something: it was a club.

      Go out and it will happen, I believe in you 🙂

      • Akas
        August 30, 2010 at 9:58 pm

        You *don’t* need to go to clubs or bars, necessarily, but you have to put yourself out there. Clubs and bars are more for one-night stands than anything else: if you really want to meet someone, go to a club meeting (like for gaming, D&D, anime, Whatever your hobby is). You won’t get the same level of play you get from clubs, but you won’t wake up the next morning regretting your choice either.

        Back on topic, though: The whole gaijin conundrum is especially tough for me, as an Asian American. When I was in Japan, it was a strange dynamic: I was a friendly, flirty person and had a lot of people interested in me until I opened my mouth. See, they thought I was Japanese, so my less-than-native perfection of the language made them think of me as an idiot. And American women? A lot of them were hoping for actual Japanese boyfriends, and I got rejected a few times. Evidently, yellow fever sometimes applies to both sexes.

        So even though it’s more common for American women, it can be just as tough (or even tougher) to be an Asian American in the city. I ended up stumbling into a relationship, but that was only because she was a weirdo, just like me :P.

    • RieaMiea
      September 1, 2010 at 1:22 pm

      I feel there honey, I get that too. However trust me there is someone out there that will like you. For beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Find a fellow gamier-sci-fi nerd. If not in your area on the net(preferably someone local). trust me it feels like there is no one out there but there is.

  51. ZeroSD
    August 2, 2010 at 8:26 am

    I’d like to comment that for quite a lot of girls, “Sex is hard to get… unless you do something,” applies in the US too. People coming up and hitting on you is situational and does require some skill at knowing how to send ‘come hit on me’ signs.

    But, if you do something? Heck yea you can have sex! Either sex, any preference. Because humans want to have sex.

    This is very good advice you have written here regardless of location.

  52. Pepper
    August 7, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Wait, hold on, GIRLS chase GUYS in Japan? What? Is this true? I need facts here, the information you give me will change my future one way or the other.

  53. Hardy
    August 7, 2010 at 6:51 pm

    So like always im late on the news,
    im one of these people like yourself, i come and read when i need a laugh and disappear for months at a time and then when im utterly relaxed and cant watch anymore mythbusters i come and read again, this can happen in 1-12 month breaks

    so when i logged onto your old site today, i was like since when did you write in german, and took me afew minutes to figure it all out

    so here i am, all caught up and will disappear again into the void of the interwebs

    thanks for providing your blog i love japan and i love your stories
    [ they have cheered me up on many occasions] [ on and off again reader for many years]

  54. August 9, 2010 at 11:38 am

    This post really killed me. I’m so glad you’re blogging again, Az! 🙂

  55. IronReda
    August 9, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    “what happens if I get rejected? – it’s embarrasing – too shy to do that – what will my friends think? – all I can really say to you is – Welcome to our world, ladies. We men have had to do this ever since our hormones kicked in. I have no sympathy for you.”

    LOL 🙂 that was the punch line of the whole thing *the funniest part at least*.

    Glad to see that you’re still funny, alive and kicking. I first read your outpost nine stuff waay back, probably more than 5 years ago.

    I asked you about becoming a English teacher in Japan ( before you specifically asking people not to do so, before you had the FAQ) anyways you gave me some advice and i tucked it in the back of my head.

    5 years later, I got into university and i’m graduating with a degree in life science this coming winter. However, i have been taking Japanese electives ever since first year.
    Anyways, I will be applying for the JET and hopefully I’ll confirm if Japanese girls are as wild as many people here are discribing them. Not that it matters, i get rediculous amounts of girls here in Toronto already ;). But its nice to know that being gaijin gives you an edge, look out az, ill be running dem clubz HAHA

    Another thing, thank you for the inspiration, i’ve been using your material for 5 years. Telling friends your jokes, you are GOLD, man. 🙂

  56. Darkrider
    August 14, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Your blog is awesome Az! You give a clear, untainted view of Japan unlike another certain person living there who shall remain nameless.

  57. janet
    August 14, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    it’s great to have you back Az! seriously, i haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. best of luck to you and your family 🙂

  58. Chrome Newfie
    August 17, 2010 at 12:42 am

    Enjoying the posts, as always.

    You’re probably shorter on time than you are on ideas. Still, just throwing this out there: have you been exposed to a dorama called “Nihonjin no Shiranai Nihongo”? A Japanese TV show about what appears to be the anti-Az (of the early days) seems to be ripe for comment. 😉

  59. Jen
    August 17, 2010 at 10:52 am

    While I brought my husband with me, and therefore could fuck as much as I wanted, I definitely notice this kind of ridiculous behavior all the time -when I was in Japan, as well as here at home.

    I have friends who complain they can’t get guys, yet they will not talk to them. It drives me insane because I’m the kind of person who will sit down and strike up a conversation with anyone who seems to be interesting. I’ve always done this, whether I had ulterior motives or not.

  60. August 18, 2010 at 4:56 am

    I’m a guy, but I am not good at getting laid at all. Female friends of mine always tell me, “But you’re such a nice guy, and you look hot, why aren’t you getting any?”

    It’s quite simple: I fall in love too easily, and I don’t want to get hurt, and that’s why I’m extremely shy about the whole thing. I rarely play the proactive part, I always get picked up by some girl, we end up having sex, and then a week later or so, we fuck again, and after the third time of having sex, I’m madly in love with her, while she tells me I’m nice and a great bang, but she needs to move on. And I’m heartbroken again.

    And for some reason, one night stands or friends with benefits don’t work for me.

    I’m a skinny pale long-haired pretty boy type with a big penis. If I ever go to Japan, I will have to be really, really careful.

    • Ashleas
      August 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm

      I like to fall in love too and I do so so very easily. I love long-haired guys. ^^ My ex just broke me heart after seven months to go chase after a drinker, druggie and a whore instead of me, the good girl who is responsible, has a job, and a degree. :/ I’d love you.

      • August 23, 2010 at 5:58 am

        Even if the long-haired guy happens to looks like a flatchested lady with a penis? 😀

  61. August 20, 2010 at 7:35 am

    Hey Az, you want help? I mean you have so many stories from over the years, would you like some help arranging them so that maybe you could compile them into a book that you could sell?

    I imagine, a gaijin in Japan’s impressions of Japan would still be interesting to Americans and Japanese if it was compiled in one easy to read book.

    Hope to hear back from you.

  62. Darkumbra
    August 23, 2010 at 11:45 pm

    Thanks for the tip. I have noticed this the longer I stay here. The problem is I’m just as shy as the Japanese guys. I don’t really know any Japanese so I have no idea how to approach them at all. Heck, I wouldn’t know how to approach a guy back home in America. However, if I embarrass myself in America its ok, I might never see that guy again but, I think a random Black girl with a large Afro kind of sticks out in a crowed train…

  63. Sean
    August 24, 2010 at 3:35 am

    This blog post along has convinced me to quit my job, pack up all my things, and become a Gaijin myself. Thanks for the inspiration

  64. TommyA
    August 24, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Ohhh sooo true! I am sending this to my coworker NOW. We always talk about this. I got my girlfriend after she approached me (on an online dating site, then Facebook). I do find the Japanese girls to be way more forward.

    My coworker says the same things you explained. She gets all dolled up, goes out, and goes home alone hating men. She says she doesn’t want anything serious, yet hasn’t been laid since landing.

    I think for foreign guys, unless they are just ANTI-Japanese/Asian girls, prefer the girls here, because it is sooo easy to just get sex. It isn’t like they are choosing Japanese life partners over American girls, they just want to build their harem of easier Japanese girls. It is too easy here. Especially if you are black…

    Glad to see this after not reading for a while!

  65. kent
    August 26, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    Ah~ updating to web 2.0 may bring in a few more donations and ad clicks. just fyi 😛

  66. Mediafag
    August 27, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    “‘Sup, Mugi.”

    Sorry, I just had to say that…

  67. Monica
    August 28, 2010 at 12:45 pm

    lol i haven’t been on this site in a while (a long while) and really do miss it. your stories make me laugh out loud every time and i’m really glad i have time to catch up on ur updates. 🙂

    btw, i noticed u have mini-twitter on the side bar and was wondering if you have a real twitter.

  68. tony
    August 28, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Az I’ve been in Japan twice already and I feel like I could have written this.

    This is so 200% true it’s terrible. Getting laid in Japan was just incredibly easy and it was nice too because girls are open and talkative; especially since I do speak Japanese.

    However, the japanese men are so terrible at this I feel sorry for the manlyhood of this nation. My friend -european girl- could get a boy because believe it or not yellow fever works backward as well because she just hit on one. She’s rather attractive but as you say HAS NEVER BEEN HIT by a guy in club/bar. This is terrible. And I’m talking about Roppongi/Shibuya were you would expect the guys to go all out on girls.

    Damn I wanna go back. Snap your fingers: 10 phone numbers and a new fuck buddy.

  69. Zaichik
    August 29, 2010 at 3:30 am

    Yeah when I was in Japan, I was hit on twice. Once by a retard and literally I asked him “atama ga daijobu desu ka.” which apparently was really rude and my supervisor laughed at me, and the second time by a drunken cute boy from the military. As in, that self-defense force thing they have over there, not a gaijin. He spoke English really well and accosted me. I was suprised because hardly anyone in my town spoke English. The latter I may have been more proactive with, if he’d been more sober.

    It was kind of annoying because in the US, I was used to guys pining all over me. I’m not bragging because I’m really not that attractive, I’m just independent and they could clearly see that >_>;. Anyway, if I knew better Japanese I wish I’d been more proactive, but I really still maintain that Japanese guys aren’t really interested in gaijin girls overall, but especially not for anything past boning.

  70. August 30, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Yeeeahhh…maybe. MAYBE. If you are a member of a subculture, yes, it is possible for a woman to get laid easily in Japan. You did forget one point, though:

    Even those of us who ARE aggressive (me) and DO get laid (also me) have to contend with the fact that gaijin men here are, 85% of the time, already seeing someone/engaged/married and don’t fucking own up to that until you’ve already been dating.

    It’s happened to me, oh…maybe six or seven times? It’s happened to at least five of my female friends, as far as I know.

    And it sucks.

  71. August 31, 2010 at 2:41 am

    hey Az were you ever on tv again? also congrayta on the baby

  72. RieaMiea
    September 1, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    This post makes me happy to go to Japan and thankful that I dated Shy Boys as it taught me(I get shy around guys I like/am attracted too) to be aggressive and proactive. Also lots of missed opportunities made me realize if you want something go for it. Like guys and girls both get that shyness, but someone ahs to make the move and sometimes it’s gotta be you.

    I think the reason why woman are afraid to approach guys is cause they have bee taught that woman shouldn’t be aggressive and guys don’t like an aggressive girl. That;s crap, you want him go for it.

  73. RieaMiea
    September 1, 2010 at 1:19 pm

    Oh and congrats ont he baby and hows the wife and has the kid arrived as of yet?

  74. blackdude
    September 2, 2010 at 10:54 am

    AZ- Im a black guy, 22, 6’0foot tall, 240lbs muscular/i have a gut…. if i go to japan, will i get laid????? is it really as easy as i hear??? i have EXTREME yellow fever, and NO i am not a super anime nerd. anime is cool (i used to be a nerd), but not my life by any means. i am going to graduate college by the end of this year and plan on trying the JET….

  75. King9999
    September 13, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Damnit, Az, don’t give me more reasons to go to Japan!

  76. September 14, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    Funny stuff!

  77. Maximus
    September 17, 2010 at 8:26 pm

    I just read your article, and i shall make a quick judgment about you
    even if i don’t know you at all.

    You are an awesome man.

  78. Trym
    September 27, 2010 at 4:51 am

    Holy fuck, I’m in love with this blog.
    Az, I have officially adopted you as my mentor.

  79. Stephcott
    October 2, 2010 at 4:16 pm

    So I’m an american girl but I generally am very blunt about things, especially sex. I’m too impatient to wait around for a guy to approach me. I’ve gotten a decent amount of action since I’ve been here (5 months now), but it’s been from fellow gaijin. I guess I think that my Japanese isn’t good enough to use my normal methods of hitting on people. And to just come out and ask for sex makes me feel desperate. I approach gaijin, but most here seem to be married or have japanese girlfriends. The ones that don’t are more interested in Japanese girls and just want to be my friend. Very lame.

    Can someone please tell me how exactly to hit on Japanese guys/flirt in Japanese? From those girls you’ve had success in this department, how’d you do it? It’s just pretty sad that I’ve been here 5 months now (and a semester back in college), and I still haven’t managed to even kiss someone Japanese.

    Awesome post though. I know plenty of guys who’ve been in situations like that. Even their high school girls hit on them. Poor guys, having to turn down Japanese school girls. ha.

  80. October 16, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    The only sympathy I have for gaijin women is that the Japanese males aren’t really up to much. They can be massive arseholes for the most part as well.

    Oh and just so you know… not every gaijin male is blinkered by yellow fever. I’ve never got the appeal of Japanese girls myself. I’m pretty sure my gaijin girlfriend only started going out with me because she was crazy with sex starvation.

  81. Casey
    November 2, 2010 at 3:50 am

    You mentioned gaijin women getting no action in the Summer post before this too. Is that this month’s theme?

  82. sakura
    December 2, 2010 at 5:05 am

    interesting post, but not completely true though, i’m a gaijin girl ,tall thin, blond
    and i’m 21 , when it comes to japanese guys approaching me, i could say that i have no problem with that at all.
    maybe there’s just something about me, but japanese guys seem to have no problem talking to me and inviting me out. i get like 5 or 6 of them a day, (including my professors!) to me it’s not something to brag about, i’m a shy girl , and too much attention from boys seem to irritate me sometimes, but it makes me feel less of an outsider….but that’s just me

  83. roo
    December 11, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    umm, for all the girls that say they have successfully approached Japanese men or are now dating one, a question: Are you white?

    Lumping “foreign women” together as if there is no difference in the way Japanese people she white women and everyone one else especially black women is kind of reckless. Go into any store in Japan and over half of the advertisements have white models, not Asian, pictured in them. I was in Japan for the summer and loved it but I spoke to black women there, some of them great looking, and NO ONE was dating a Japanese man even the assertive ones. Just ask an Asian American man how well this practice works in Western nations – interracial fever doesn’t really cut both ways.

    • Darkumbra
      January 2, 2011 at 8:41 pm

      roo :
      umm, for all the girls that say they have successfully approached Japanese men or are now dating one, a question: Are you white?
      Lumping “foreign women” together as if there is no difference in the way Japanese people she white women and everyone one else especially black women is kind of reckless. Go into any store in Japan and over half of the advertisements have white models, not Asian, pictured in them. I was in Japan for the summer and loved it but I spoke to black women there, some of them great looking, and NO ONE was dating a Japanese man even the assertive ones. Just ask an Asian American man how well this practice works in Western nations – interracial fever doesn’t really cut both ways.

      Roo you are totally on point. I have been in several situations where I know they would have turned out different if I had blond hair and blue eyes.

    • krizzex
      January 6, 2011 at 2:35 am

      You are mistaken about that from what I’ve seen.


      They seem to be way more black women interested about Asian men and than black men interested in Asian women and those black women tend to be quite vocal about their interest.

  84. nekomimi
    January 13, 2011 at 1:09 am

    What are the reasons for why men, eastern or western, gets too intimidated by beautiful women who approach them? Other than performance anxiety or insecurity.

  85. Neraxis
    February 8, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    As funny as I found this article, it also made me kinda sad that so much emphasis is placed on sex. I’m 23 going on 24 and never had sex before. Partially because I’m as good at getting a date as I am a driving a supertanker through a needle’s eye while doing quantum physics and partially because I have minor self-esteem problems, but what makes me angry is people treat me like a freaking leper because I’ve never porked a girl. What the hell?! Why should I be considered less of a person just because I haven’t succumbed to one of the most basic of biological urges? Does that bother anyone besides me?

  86. Gwynnie
    March 10, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    I was one of the gaijin girls who complained about lack of sex. But!! In my defense, I tried to lure a guy who had previously entered my bedroom into bed again with subtle lines like “want to come to mine?” and he looked at me in digust. I now realise that he was very much into my friend, as they are now dating and in love. Still, back then I felt that the harder I tried, the further I pushed guys away. I was a big ugly white beast surrounded by cute Japanese girls, I was invisible.
    Luckily I found a fellow gaijin guy who did not have yellow fever. He also just happened to be my soul mate (cue the vomit). Things click into place when it’s the right person, and being yourself is enough. But as for seeking out encounters of the sexy kind… being up-front, as a woman, doesn’t always cut it. Some guys will be so confused by this role-reversal that they won’t realise they were being offered sex. Some will be terrified by this big-breasted gaijin woman who will surely suffocate them to death. Gaijin guys will probably respond with “sorry, but white chicks really don’t do it for me” (true story). I’ve also been told by foreign guys that the reason they love Japanese chicks is that they are submissive… a bit creepy, but contradicts this aggressive version of them that you’ve presented! Interesting.

  1. September 1, 2010 at 1:35 am
  2. September 15, 2010 at 2:54 am
  3. April 2, 2011 at 2:42 am

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